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WISH NOT, WANT NOT
“Remember that it’s not only the desire for wealth and position that debases and subjugates us, but also the desire for peace, leisure, travel, and learning. It doesn’t matter what the external thing is, the value we place on it subjugates us to another
when we pine for something, when we hope against hope, we set ourselves up for disappointment.
To want nothing makes one invincible—because nothing lies outside your control. This doesn’t just go for not wanting the easy-to-criticize things like wealth or fame—the
That green light that Gatsby strove for can represent seemingly good things too, like love or a noble cause. But it can wreck someone all the same.
When it comes to your goals and the things you strive for, ask yourself: Am I in control of th...
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WHAT’S BETTER LEFT UNSAID
I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.’”
It’s easy to act—to just dive in. It’s harder to stop, to pause, to think: No, I’m not sure I need to do that yet. I’m not sure I am ready.
Instead, he waited and prepared.
CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE NO CARE FOR OUR FEELINGS
“You shouldn’t give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don’t care at all.”
A significant chunk of Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations is made up of short quotes and passages from other writers. This is because Marcus wasn’t necessarily trying to produce an original work—instead he was practicing, reminding himself here and there of important lessons, and sometimes these lessons were things he had read.
circumstances are incapable of considering or caring for your feelings, your anxiety, or your excitement.
So stop acting like getting worked up is having an impact on a given situation. Situations don’t care at all.
THE REAL SOURCE OF HARM
it isn’t the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse. So when someone arouses your anger, know that it’s really your own opinion fueling it. Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions, for with time and distance self-mastery is more easily achieved.”
The Stoics remind us that there really is no such thing as an objectively good or bad occurrence.
Criticism from your worst enemy is received differently than negative words from a spouse.
If someone sends you an angry email but you never see it, did it actually happen?
Our reaction is what actually decides whether harm has occurred. If we feel that we’ve been wronged and get angry, of course that’s how it will seem.
But if we retain control of ourselves, we decide whether to label something good or bad.
So why not choose now to not apply these labels? Why not choose not to react?
THE SMOKE AND DUST OF MYTH
“Keep a list before your mind of those who burned with anger and resentment about something, of even the most renowned for success, misfortune, evil deeds, or any special distinction. Then ask yourself, how did that work out?
In Marcus Aurelius’s writings, he constantly points out how the emperors who came before him were barely remembered just a few years later.
To him, this was a reminder that no matter how much he conquered, no matter how much he inflicted his will on the world, it would be like building a castle in the sand—soon to be erased by the winds of time.
The same goes for those driven to the heights of hate or anger or obsession or perfectionism. Marcus liked to point out that Alexander the Great—one of the most passionate and ambitious men who ever l...
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TO EACH HIS OWN
“Another has done me wrong? Let him see to it. He has his own tendencies, and his own affairs. What I have now is what the common nature has willed, and what I endeavor to accomplish now is what my nature wills.”
Abraham Lincoln occasionally got fuming mad with a subordinate, one of his generals, even a friend. Rather than taking it out on that person directly, he’d write a long letter, outlining his case why they were wrong and what he wanted them to
know. Then Lincoln would fold it up, put the letter in the desk drawer, and never send it.
He knew, as the former emperor of Rome knew, that it’s easy to fight back. It’s tempting to give them a piece of your mind. But you almost always end up with regret. You...
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CULTIVATING INDIFFERENCE WHERE OTHERS GROW PASSION
“Of all the things that are, some are good, others bad, and yet others indifferent. The good are virtues and all that share in them; the bad are the vices and all that indulge them; the indifferent lie in between virtue and vice and include wealth, health, life, death, pleasure, and pain.”
Imagine the power you’d have in your life and relationships if all the things that trouble everyone else—how thin they are, how much money
they have, how long they have left to live, how they will die—didn’t matter so much. What if, where others were upset, envious, excited, possessive, or greedy, you were objective, calm, and clearheaded?
Seneca
had many material things, yet, as the Stoics say, he was also indifferent to them.
It’s not about avoidance or shunning, but rather not giving any possible outcome more power or preference than is appropriate.
WHEN YOU LOSE CONTROL
“The soul is like a bowl of water, and our impressions are like the ray of light falling upon the water. When the water is troubled, it appears that the light itself is moved too, but it isn’t. So, when a person loses their composure it isn’t their skills and virtues that are troubled, but the spirit in which they exist, and when that spirit calms down so do those things.”
Remember that the tools and aims of our training are unaffected by the turbulence of the moment. Stop. Regain your composure. It’s waiting for you.
YOU CAN’T ALWAYS (BE) GET(TING) WHAT YOU WANT
Curb your desire—don’t set your heart on so many things and you will get what you need.”
“Don’t set your heart on so many things,” says Epictetus. Focus. Prioritize. Train your mind to ask: Do I need this thing? What will happen if I do not get it? Can I make do without it?
AWARENESS
WHERE PHILOSOPHY BEGINS
“An important place to begin in philosophy is this: a clear perception of one’s own ruling principle.”
one becomes a philosopher when they begin to exercise their guiding reason and start to question the emotions and beliefs and even language
