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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Ryan Holiday
Started reading
January 6, 2024
There is clarity (and joy) in seeing what others can’t see, in finding grace and harmony in places others overlook.
the things that matter to them are cheap.
The more things we desire and the more we have to do to earn or attain those achievements, the less we actually enjoy our lives—and the less free we are.
“I have the power within me to keep that out. I can see the truth.”
“If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters—don’t wish to seem knowledgeable. And if some regard you as important, distrust yourself.” —EPICTETUS, ENCHIRIDION, 13a
How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?
A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.”
Strength is the ability to maintain a hold of oneself. It’s being the person who never gets mad, who cannot be rattled, because they are in control of their passions—rather than controlled by their passions.
We would never let another person jerk us around the way we let our impulses do.
We should be the ones in control, not our emotions,
it’s as if we all belong to a religious cult that believes the gods of fate will only give us what we want if we sacrifice our peace of mind.
Is this actually making me feel better? Is this actually relieving any of the symptoms I wish were gone?
We get upset, then the other person gets upset—now everyone is upset, and the problem is no closer to getting solved.
Locate that yearning for more, better, someday and see it for what it is: the enemy of your contentment. Choose it or your happiness.
ceaseless, ardent desire—if not bad in and of itself—is fraught with potential complications. What we desire makes us vulnerable. Whether it’s an opportunity to travel the world or to be the president or for five minutes of peace and quiet, when we pine for something, when we hope against hope, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Because fate can always intervene and then we’ll likely lose our self-control in response.
To want nothing makes one invincible—because nothing lies outside your control.
When it comes to your goals and the things you strive for, ask yourself: Am I in control of them or they in control of me?
I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.’”
he waited and prepared. He parsed his own thoughts, made sure he was not reacting emotionally, selfishly, ignorantly, or prematurely. Only then would he speak—when he was confident that his words were worthy of being heard.
“Keep in mind that it isn’t the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse.
Abraham Lincoln occasionally got fuming mad with a subordinate, one of his generals, even a friend. Rather than taking it out on that person directly, he’d write a long letter, outlining his case why they were wrong and what he wanted them to know. Then Lincoln would fold it up, put the letter in the desk drawer, and never send it.
It’s not about avoidance or shunning, but rather not giving any possible outcome more power or preference than is appropriate.
Train your mind to ask: Do I need this thing? What will happen if I do not get it? Can I make do without it?
“Above all, it is necessary for a person to have a true self-estimate, for we commonly think we can do more than we really can.”
“No slavery is more disgraceful,” he quipped, “than one which is self-imposed.”
Take an inventory of your obligations from time to time. How many of these are self-imposed? How many of them are truly necessary? Are you as free as you think?
Remember: even what we get for free has a cost, if only in what we pay to store it—in our garages and in our minds.
Listen and connect with people, don’t perform for them.
“If a person gave away your body to some passerby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along,
We don’t let people touch us, push us around, control where we go. But when it comes to the mind, we’re less disciplined. We hand it over willingly to social media, to television, to what other people are doing, thinking, or saying.
You must choose whether to be loved by these friends and remain the same person, or to become a better person at the cost of those friends
Ask yourself about the people you meet and spend time with: Are they making me better? Do they encourage me to push forward and hold me accountable? Or do they drag me down to their level?
As Seneca put it, “Slavery resides under marble and gold.”
How much more tolerant and understanding would you be today if you could see the actions of other people as attempts to do the right thing?
Is it not the case that plenty of times something we thought was a disaster turned out to be, with the passage of time, a lucky break?
misfortune we have experienced is simply the prelude to a pleasant and enviable future.
As Epictetus put it, “It is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.”
“You are not your body and hair-style, but your capacity for choosing well. If your choices are beautiful, so too will you be.” —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.1.39b–40a
A body built from hard work is admirable. A body built to impress gym rats is not.
Someone can’t frustrate you, work can’t overwhelm you—these are external objects, and they have no access to your mind. Those emotions you feel, as real as they are, come from the inside, not the outside.
We can’t blame other people for making us feel stressed or frustrated any more than we can blame them for our jealousy. The cause is within us.
Remember, each individual has a choice. You are always the one in control. The cause of irritation—or our notion that something is bad—that comes from us, from our labels or our expectations.
we can change our entitlement and decide to accept and love what’s happening around us.
“Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought,
If you hold a perpetually negative outlook, soon enough everything you encounter will seem negative.
Uninvited guests might arrive at your home, but you don’t have to ask them to stay for dinner. You don’t have to let them into your mind.
“First off, don’t let the force of the impression carry you away. Say to it, ‘hold up a bit and let me see who you are and where you are from—let me put you to the test’ . . .” —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.18.24
we are constantly making split-second decisions based on years of experience and knowledge as well as using the same skill to confirm prejudices, stereotypes, and assumptions.
We lose very little by taking a beat to consider our own thoughts.
The point of this preparation is not to write off everyone in advance. It’s that, maybe, because you’ve prepared for it, you’ll be able to act with patience, forgiveness, and understanding.
