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The single most important practice in Stoic philosophy is differentiating between what we can change and what we can’t.
If we can focus on making clear what parts of our day are within our control and what parts are not, we will not only be happier, we will have a distinct advantage over other people who fail to realize they are fighting an unwinnable battle.
the more you say no to the things that don’t matter, the more you can say yes to the things that do.
Control your perceptions. Direct your actions properly. Willingly accept what’s outside your control.
Having an end in mind is no guarantee that you’ll reach it—no Stoic would tolerate that assumption—but not having an end in mind is a guarantee you won’t.
Choice—to do and think right Refusal—of temptation Yearning—to be better
Repulsion—of negativity, of bad influences, of what isn’t true
Preparation—for what lies ahead or whatever may happen Purpose—our guiding principle and highest priority Assent—to be free of deception about what’s inside and outside our control (and be ready to a...
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Every single thing that is outside your control—the outside world, other people, luck, karma, whatever—still presents a corresponding area that is in your control.
serenity and stability are results of your choices and judgment, not your environment.
If you seek to avoid all disruptions to tranquility—other people, external events, stress—you will never be successful.
seek to avoid the harmful and disruptive judgments that cause those problems, then you will be stable and st...
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You’ve got just one thing to manage: your choices, your will, your mind.
But in all circumstances—adversity or advantage—we really have just one thing we need to do: focus on what is in our control as opposed to what is not.
At the end of each day he would ask himself variations of the following questions: What bad habit did I curb today? How am I better? Were my actions just? How can I improve?
A mantra can be especially helpful in the meditative process because it allows us to block out everything else while we focus.
Anger is not impressive or tough—it’s a mistake. It’s weakness.
Depending on what you’re doing, it might even be a trap that someone laid for you.
think before you act. Ask: Who is in control here? What principles are guiding me?
The combination of power, fear, and mania can be deadly. The leader, convinced that he might be betrayed, acts first and betrays others first.
Convinced of mismanagement, he micromanages and becomes the source of the mismanagement.
the things we fear or dread, we blindly inflict on ourselves.
you don’t control your impulses, if you lose your self-control, you may be the very source of the disaster you so fear.
The next time you find yourself in the middle of a freakout, or moaning and groaning with flulike symptoms, or crying tears of regret, just ask: Is this actually making me feel better? Is this actually relieving any of the symptoms I wish were gone?
think about all the upsetting things you don’t know about—stuff people might have said about you behind your back, mistakes you might have made that never came to your attention, things you dropped or lost without even realizing
What’s your reaction? You don’t have one because you don’t know about it.
Many successful people will try to tell you that anger is a powerful fuel in their lives.
But that’s shortsighted. Such stories ignore the pollution produced as a side effect and the wear and tear it put on the engine. It ignores what happens when that initial anger runs out—and how now more and more must be generated to keep the machine going (until, eventually, the only source left is anger at oneself).
Every time you get upset, a little bit of life leaves the body. Are these really the things on which you want to spend that priceless resource? Don’t be afraid to make a change—a big one.
Many of the things that upset us, the Stoics believed, are a product of the imagination, not reality.
Life (and our job) is difficult enough. Let’s not make it harder by getting emotional about insignificant matters or digging in for battles we don’t actually care about.
“Remember to conduct yourself in life as if at a banquet. As something being passed around comes to you, reach out your hand and take a moderate helping. Does it pass you by? Don’t stop it. It hasn’t yet come? Don’t burn in desire for it, but wait until it arrives in front of you.
circumstances are incapable of considering or caring for your feelings, your anxiety, or your excitement.
So stop acting like getting worked up is having an impact on a given situation. Situations don’t care at all.
Don’t fear self-assessment because you’re worried you might have to admit some things about yourself.
Cultivate the ability to judge yourself accurately and honestly. Look inward to discern what you’re capable of and what it will take to unlock that potential.
even what we get for free has a cost,
As you walk past your possessions today, ask yourself: Do I need this? Is it superfluous? What’s this actually worth? What is it costing me? You might be surprised by the answers and how much we’ve been paying without even knowing it.
“narrative fallacy”—the tendency to assemble unrelated events of the past into stories. These stories, however gratifying to create, are inherently misleading. They lead to a sense of cohesion and certainty that isn’t real.
Listen and connect with people, don’t perform for them.
We don’t let people touch us, push us around, control where we go. But when it comes to the mind, we’re less disciplined. We hand it over willingly to social media, to television, to what other people are doing, thinking, or saying.
Consciously consider whom you allow into your life—not like some snobby elitist but like someone who is trying to cultivate the best life possible.
Are they making me better? Do they encourage me to push forward and hold me accountable? Or do they drag me down to their level?
“Whenever someone has done wrong by you, immediately consider what notion of good or evil they had in doing it.
For you may yourself have the same notions of good and evil, or similar ones, in which case you’ll make an allowance for what they’ve done. But if you no longer hold the same notions, you’ll be more readily gracious for their error.”
Someone can’t frustrate you, work can’t overwhelm you—these are external objects, and they have no access to your mind.
Those emotions you feel, as real as they are, come from the inside, not the outside.
The cause of irritation—or our notion that something is bad—that comes from us, from our labels or our expectations.
A degree on a wall means you’re educated as much as shoes on your feet mean you’re walking.
Greed was what led people to create complex markets that no one understood in the hope of making a quick buck.
