‘Er, smile?’ I venture. Patrice does his best, but now he just looks like someone’s force-fed him a bowl of cat vomit. ‘Um, smile just a wee bit more?’ I plead. Okay, so now he looks like a vast invisible entity has pulled both sides of his mouth back violently into a rictus grin. It’ll have to do, though, as I can see my phone battery rapidly draining as I speak.
