Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life

by Susan David

1. Think process. See yourself as being in it for the long haul and on a path of continuous growth. Absolutist statements drawn from old stories (“I’m bad at public speaking” or “I suck at sports”) are just those—stories. They are not your destiny. 2. Get contradictory. In Zen Buddhism it’s common practice to contemplate paradoxes such as “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” There are probably paradoxes from your own life that you could chew on in a Zenlike fashion: You may love and loathe your hometown, your family, or your body. You can feel that you’re both the victim and the person responsible for a relationship breakdown. Embracing and accepting these seeming contradictions improves your tolerance for uncertainty. 3. Have a laugh. Humor can be a stepping-out practice because it forces you to see new possibilities. As long as you aren’t using humor to mask genuine pain (bottling), finding something funny about yourself or your circumstances can help you accept and then create distance from it. 4. Change your point of view. Try to consider your problem from the perspective of someone else—your dentist, perhaps, your child, or even your dog. 5. Call it out. Anytime you get hooked, identify that thought for what it is (a thought) and that emotion for what it is (an emotion). You can do this by introducing the language “I’m having the thought that . . .” or “I am having the emotion that . . .” Remember you have no obligation to accept your thoughts’ or emotions’ opini...