Weightless

by Kandi Steiner

It was then that his eyes found mine, and for the second time in twenty-four hours, I felt a small shift in my universe.

He was beautiful. Crazy? Maybe. Intimidating? Definitely. But, beautiful nonetheless. And beautiful guys like him didn’t befriend girls who looked like me.

I've had this mind set my entire life

“How could I never have noticed you before?”

“I meant when I’m done, Natalie.”

I screamed!!!

He quirked a brow. “Guess I won’t be seeing you naked tonight, then.” I thought he was joking, but couldn’t be sure because he left it at that without so much as another smile before turning and disappearing down the hall.

Rhodes definitely had some kind of voodoo juice happening.

“Every life-altering change stems from a series of small, seemingly meaningless amendments.”

“She changed her mind.” I turned to meet Rhodes’ intense eyes and he pulled me into him, his arm tight around my shoulder.

“And it made you smile, so you can guarantee I’ll be saying it again.”

“Is this what you want, Natalie?” His tongue licked his bottom lip before he drug his teeth across the tender flesh. I watched fascinated, my breath caught in my throat. “You want me to kiss you in the hot tub? Touch you in the sauna?” His voice was low but gruff, each question laced with lust I’d never experienced before. He flexed his hips forward and I inhaled stiffly. “Fuck you on the treadmill?”

“You’re not, Natalie. You,” he paused, lifting his hat to run his hands through his hair before pulling it back on again. “You’re weightless. The world hasn’t touched you yet. You’re not heavy with the weight of pain, and

guilt, and selfishness.” He shook his head, biting his lower lip in that same way that made my skin heat just moments before. “You’re light. Don’t ever lose that. Don’t let the world weigh you down like them.” He shifted, looking away. “Like me.”

And it was in that moment that I realized Rhodes was like lightning. White hot and electric, but fleeting and dangerous. Beautiful to watch, but perilous to touch. But it was too late for warning signs. I’d been struck.

And I remember it hurt that first time he touched me. Not because it was painful, but because it was everything but. It hurt from somewhere deep inside my gut that told me I would never get to have him, to keep him, or to

feel the way I felt with his hands on me with anyone else for as long as I tried.

“There’s so much I want to do to you, Bug. I’m fighting against it right now.”

But Rhodes just smiled.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget anything about that night.”

“You’re the first girl I’ve ever wanted to take my time with,” he whispered, shaking his head. “But then again, I feel like I’m racing against time. Like I only have so long to touch you.”

Because I knew, deep down, that I was more to him.

He touched me as if it hurt. He kissed me as if it were the last time. And somewhere inside my heart, I felt the demise, too.

“That’s just it,” I breathed, grabbing his tense arm in my shaking grasp. I slid my index finger to his wrist and pressed hard. “I do see you. I see your heart, Rhodes.” I swallowed. “I feel it.”

“It means something tonight. And I want to feel every single moment with you.”

“I love the way you feel,” he growled, moving his hands from my waist to grip the top of my shoulders. It was as if he was doing a pull up, but instead, he was pulling me down onto him, burying himself deeper. “Tight. Wet.” He flexed his hips. “Fucking incredible.”

Rhodes smiled, biting his lower lip and letting his teeth rake the tender flesh.

Why is this so fucking hot?

And for the first time since I’d met him, I didn’t wish for a dream of Rhodes. In that moment, reality was better.

“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice raspy. He smiled, too. “Finding something beautiful in the chaos.”

Fine. Let’s just say I’m still sore… and not from the squats today.”

“We only have so much time to be, Natalie. So be wild, be crazy, be spontaneous, and be passionate. Never be sorry. And when someone tells you you’ll regret your choice later, be confident in the fact that you won’t.”

“Last night, you fell asleep in my arms, and I just kept thinking about how I don’t deserve you.”

“But then I realized I’ve had a lot of shitty years in my life, maybe too many. But I’m not a bad person, at least, maybe not as bad as I’ve always believed.”

“You’re the one who made me realize that, Bug. You make me feel like maybe I deserve more. Like maybe my dreams matter. Do you...

“I’m never letting that go.”

Then, he closed the distance and pressed his lips to mine. It was a slow kiss, passionate and calculating. Maybe he was telling me it was okay to be scared, or that he felt the same fear, too. Or maybe, he was telling me to leap.

“Yeah, but if stretching leads to you moaning which in turn leads to me fucking you against the wall in the sauna, I think that might go against club policy.”

“I fucking love the way I affect you,”

but I do know that staying away from you isn’t going to make anything in my life better. You’re the only light I have, Natalie.”

“I made up my mind that night you gave yourself to me that I was never going to walk away from you or the possibility to feel like I have a purpose again. I’m not letting one note change that.”

It turned out that joy wasn’t made by the destination, but rather discovered in the journey.

Sliding his hands into my hair, he pressed his lips to mine, claiming my mouth with his own. It was a possessive kiss. It was needy, yet patient and sure. He broke it long enough to whisper against my lips. “So let me inspire you.”

“You’re so light, Natalie.” He shook his head, but gripped me tighter. “I’m afraid I’ll ruin you with my darkness.”

“Sometimes, the darkness is where you find yourself.”

“Let me find myself in you.”

Rhodes was an unanticipated thunderstorm. And I danced in his rain.

“I’ll take whatever heartache is coming to feel this alive for a while longer.”