Flawed (Gamer Girls, #1)

by Auryn Hadley

"Is this a game or a comment on the state of society?" "Aren't all games a comment on society, or our desire to escape from it?

The four letters suddenly coalesced in her mind. Fyre. "Holy shit," she breathed. "You listened to me."

His silver eyes finally saw her, looking past the lean frame and hints of tattoos at her collar.

Destiny Pierce, the most influential gamer of his youth, had just decided she was going to keep playing for a few more days.

Something about the wretch in his apartment made him want to kill whoever had hurt her so bad. He owed her everything, even if she didn't know it.

He needed an area to work, and she needed to do this. She was going to make this building her bitch.

What happened, Dez?" "I'm not that high." "Didn't ask if you were. I asked what happened. Who found you?" "People who didn't like what I was saying. They convinced me that the scene would be better if I kept my nose out of it." She laughed once, forcing the sound out. "Evidently, they didn't want dental floss armor to become endangered."

The first tear leaked out. It was always the first one that caused the problem because, after that, the rest knew which way to go.

won't fight you if you don't fight me. Maybe we can even try the whole friends thing? You know, like having someone around to talk to?" "Why?" "Because you're the only person I've ever met that's more fucked up than me. Because we talk the same language." He flopped back on the grass and looked up at the stars. "Because this shit fucking world keeps trying to rip me apart and make me dissolve into nothing, and I've never met anyone else who can understand the way I have to fight that every single fucking day. Except you."

shook his head, but his eyes never left. "You don't keep up with the communities anymore or you'd know that when a game goes bad, people say they need Destiny Pierce to come save it. People joke about how if she ever comes back, the game that gets her will be the next big thing."

"I'll take the shadow of Destiny Pierce if it'll give Silk hope. I'll take you screaming, not touching, getting high, and whatever other fetishes you have, if Silk will be smooth."

What's your addiction?" He took a drag, deciding if he wanted to answer. Then again, he really had nothing to lose. "Women."

"Nympho?" "Nah. It's not so much about the orgasm as the hunt. But the rush of having someone say yes? I can't get enough of it. I don't even care if I like them half the time. I just want the notch." "Kill count." She shrugged it off.

You really think this is going to work?" She laughed, another one of those rare honest moments of joy on her face, but her eyes were a bit too large, a little too glassy. "No. I think I'm the biggest mistake you've ever made."

She wasn't asking about taking it home. She wasn't asking about curling up with it at night. She'd just asked him to make sure it got into her coffin.

If you get a date, text? I'll make myself scarce." He looked at her for a long moment. "You're ok with that?" "Sure. So long as your bitches don't touch me, I don't care where you stick your dick. Figure you get to see me high, I get to see you, well, whatever."

"Well, that was fun," the blonde said pointedly. "Which way to get out?" Dez gestured toward the door with the screwdriver in her hand, not even bothering to make eye contact. "Jealous?" the bitch sneered. "That boy's hung like a racehorse. You have no idea what you're missing."

"Yay, you got fucked. Now go home. Your husband's probably wondering where you went."

"Don't get any ideas," she mumbled around the sucker. He shook his head, the movement subtle, showing she was on the wrong train of thought. "No." His voice was gentle, careful. "I just realized that sometimes not touching can be just as intense as touching."

She wouldn't touch him, and he couldn't stop thinking about touching her. There was only one name for their completely dysfunctional relationship: flawed.

"Where the fuck did you come from?" Jeff begged, thoroughly impressed. Dez smiled. "Home Depot."

"Can she do that?" Braden asked. "Can she just override your designs?" Chance looked around the room, making sure he had all of their attention. "Yes. If we want Silk to succeed, we're all going to listen to exactly what she says. Am I clear?" "Why?" Braden demanded.

"Because I designed the concept!" she snapped. "The only person in the entire industry with the balls to listen to me is going to make a fortune, and Chance is willing to take that risk. I was the first person to promote Silk, and I'll be damned if the game of my dreams crashes and burns before it even gets off the ground because some fucking developer is worried about modern shooter dynamics in an MMO."

"I'm going to make this real clear. I'd rather have an anonymous Destiny Pierce on my staff than all of you. If I'm firing someone, it won't be her. I don't care if she's high, if she's a bitch, or if she's wrong. When it comes to code, she's your damned boss. Got it?"

"No matter what happened, I still think you're beautiful." His face was turned up, just like hers, but his voice was gentle. "Nothing in your past could make me think less of you. I got your back, Dez." "Promise?" "Forever and almost always."

"Am I allowed to come over there?" He tilted his head, looking at the other half of the bed. She nodded. "I make no promises, but being near you doesn't really scare me."

Turning back to the computer, he typed in the words, "Be ready, player one." What he found was a poem by Shane Koyczan called Instructions for a Bad Day. The last paragraph made him read it twice.

Everyone knows pain. We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it so closely, so be certain in the belief that what pain belongs to now will belong soon to then. That when someone asks you, "how was your day," realize that for some of us – it's the only way we know how to say, "Be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm, slowly now – let go."

That was why he and Dez were different. They knew the rules were a lie. He was scared to be alone; she was scared to be with people. He felt like he'd fade away if he wasn't touched; she felt like she'd be smothered out of existence if she was. He'd wanted so badly to die and make all the pain end; she still did. Everyone knew pain, but some lived closer to it than others.

"You ready to go to bed, kid?" he asked, motioning for her to stand. "Upstairs?" It was awful and sick, but he loved that her place of refuge was his apartment. He'd never seen her this afraid before, but she wanted to hide away in his home, not her own.

Hugging her gargoyle, Dez lifted her chin and headed home. She walked across the warehouse with pride, climbed the stairs on pure willpower, and didn't stop until she made it to his bed.

She was making a point, not trying to recreate herself. Her makeup was a mask, and he loved her just a little for the honesty in her lies.

He wondered if Dez would want to hear about his little conquest or if that would be too much. He never really knew with her, and that was the best part. He couldn't play her. She didn't accept the rules. Dez was a wild card, and he was completely and totally addicted to her. Addicted enough that he'd leave Lydia begging if Dez asked him to, and he knew it.

Chance took a deep breath. He'd never played this game before, and Dez was too damned good at it. She was controlling him like a puppet with just those dark eyes and luscious lips.

"I've never had a boyfriend." His voice was barely a whisper. "Do you now?" She nodded. "Chance, I'm trying to get sober." "Dez, I'm trying to fall in love."

Dez headed out back, amused at how her life had changed. She used to try to hide her drugs from her boss, now he gave them to her. She used to work so she could play games, now her work was playing games. She used to want nothing more than to be alone, now she actually liked the people she worked with, as much as she'd ever liked anyone.

Being flawed isn't about pity. It's about living with something locked inside you that you don't want the world to see."

Outside, it was warm and bright. She squinted against the glare but knew what they wanted. The middle of the grass, the same place she and Chance had come to think of as theirs. It was where she'd run from him, then where she'd crawled to him. That would be where she'd take the next step in her life, defining herself as imperfect and daring the world to care.

He loved her. Chance Hunter, the beautiful man who was everything she'd ever wanted, even with his flaws, was in love with her.

"Moving her up there, right in front of Amy? I think that was the reassurance she needed. Dez acts tough, but she's not. She needs you, Chance. She needs you to prove that she's worth caring about, but you're gonna have to take a few risks with her to prove it.

"I just don't ever want her to be hurt again. I know enough to know it was really bad." "And she is not her past. It shaped her, but it doesn't own her."

Chance and Dez just left the convention center and walked across the street to where they were staying. The best part was that she didn't let go. His pinky held onto her finger, and she liked it. She wasn't really holding his hand, but it was pretty damned close. For Dez, it was huge.

Setting the bottle of soda between the two plates of steak and fries, he chuckled at the irony. He, the man who never had a problem getting laid, had no interest for the first time in his life.

Chance hid his smile with a drink of soda. If that girl kissed him, he would be hers forever. Hell, he already was. She saw him. She was the one person who always saw him, and he was going to make sure she didn't forget it.

She was the Queen of the Flawed and had just crowned herself in front of everyone at F5.

"But Silk is my game." "Yeah. So is Flawed. They're all your games, Sugar." He shifted his hand so he could hold hers. "It's just a little hiccup. Maybe Silk goes tits up, but we'll just hike up our big girl panties and start over, right?"

"So you gonna keep playing with me?" Her giggle slipped into the grief. "I just started." "You're pretty good at it, too. I mean life, Dez. Me and you, together forever. You cool with that?" It took too long for her to answer, but she finally turned and opened those big brown eyes to him. "Yeah. I kinda love you, Chance."

Knowing Destiny Pierce, the woman of his dreams, loved him made everything else easy to deal with.

A video game – something so many people say is a waste of time – saved her life.

Yes, Destiny Pierce is an addict. For the last three weeks, she's been drug-free because she finally could face it all. We will not ignore what happened last night, but we also will not turn our backs on her. We are her friends and family. We're her team, and I'm proud to say that I work for one of the greatest game developers the world will ever see."