Hundreds (Dollar, #3)

by Pepper Winters

My body didn’t know if it wanted to find a release after the worst sexual experience of my life or swear off women altogether.

I couldn’t be around her until I figured out who I was, who I wanted to be, and just how to be a fucking gentleman again.

I was done being the victim. And I was through living this way. This scared, timid, unhealing way.

“I’m not her keeper.” “No, but you’ve taken it upon yourself to be something. Fuck if I know what it is.” His forehead scrunched. “Not that it’s any of my business.”

Somehow, the organ responsible for keeping me alive in the worst of tragedies had reprogramed itself to his frequency.

I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear that. To know he understood something Alrik never did: that there were boundaries and lines and stepping over them was never okay. Elder recognised he’d bulldozed past them but was courteous enough to make amends.

Sensuality had nothing on him. Elder was the dictionary definition of sensual from the way his muscles clenched in need, his nostrils flared in want, and his lust wound tightly in constraint.

His care was all about raising me to be his equal because there I was strong enough to give him what he ultimately wanted.

He shattered me but held me together in equal measures. My nemesis and saviour.

I jabbed a finger in his chest. “You might call me damaged, but how could I do those things if I was still the same girl you carried from that white dungeon? I thought you were willing to help me through this. That whatever reasons you stole me was just the beginning. You knew how screwed up I was, yet you gave me a purpose to fight.” My lips curled. “And now I’m ready to fight, to talk, to argue, to stand up to you, and you don’t want me?” I laughed coldly. “You aren’t the man I thought you were. You’re a coward.”

I couldn’t deny that affected me. That I didn’t love that her answers

“So thank you, Elder. Thank you for waking me up and smashing me open. Because by doing so, you broke every piece I had left and revealed something so much stronger within. The girl I was. The girl I thought was dead. The girl who will eventually take her life back and won’t need you or anyone to be happy.”

Christ, will this desire ever go away?

She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She was the most dangerous thing I’d ever encountered.

“You asked for this. I tried to free you, Pim. I opened the door and said goodbye, but you’re the one who fucking asked to stay.”

My own tears welled at what a terrible thing she’d said. I couldn’t get in the middle of this, but no one should have to hear his own mother wanted him to die. Stepping forward, I called upon every inch of bravery I had left. “You don’t mean that.”

“No.” I squirmed in his hold. “I need to—” Remind you that you do have someone who wants you. Show you that you might have had no one, but now you have someone. Me.

His mum crawled away, tears racing. “I hate you!” “Too bad, I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.” Elder took a step back, letting her go physically and spiritually. “I’m sorry, Okaasan. For everything.”

I couldn’t. I was so fucking embarrassed. How could I look at her when she’d seen how unwanted I was? How I had everything society said we needed to be happy, yet I was miserable?

He had a soul. And it was a vibrant, throbbing thing visible, not just in his eyes, but in every nuance, kiss, and motion.

“I won’t have sex with you again because I could lose myself in you. I would become utterly, terribly addicted. Once I’d had you—fully had you where you wanted me as much as I wanted you—I’d never be able to stop. I’d fuck you every hour of every day. I’d forget to eat, sleep, breathe. All I would need is you. All I would want is you. And that sort of obsession is not healthy—for either of us.”

He was stunning when unhurt. But he was drool-worthy slightly beaten up.

“I’ll tell you why you make me weak, Pim. You make me so fucking hard I can’t think straight. You crawl inside my mind when you have no right to do so. You intrigue me, confuse me, and make me contradict everything I know and believe. You corrupt me.”

He’d gambled my freedom in return for one night. Funny how I no longer looked upon my freedom as the preferred choice.

His hand trailed from my nape to my shoulder then down my arm to link his fingers with mine. “I know I’m asking for too much. I know you’re not ready. But give me what I need, and then I can control myself again. I’ll…I’ll go mad if I don’t.”

“You want me?” “So fucking much I can’t see straight.”

WHAT THE FUCK was that? How had I gone from talking like a rational human being with my staff to dragging Pim into a locked office and practically forcing her to give me a hand job?

Words like wow and holy fuck and what the hell am I doing? All I could do was stare. Stare at how stunning the black dress encased her with pearls and fringe.

She’d used the hotel supplied makeup to darken her lashes and stain her perfect lips. Her hair hung like heavy silk over her shoulders. I didn’t stand a fucking chance.

She was the only woman. She was the only creature with that title. It felt as if I’d never seen a female before. That she was everything sex and connection spoke about with her strength and hope and fledgling trust.

“You’re beautiful.” I cleared my throat from the heavy, needy rasp. “You’re handsome.” She ducked her gaze, linking her fingers together as if afraid I’d reprimand her for the compliment.

Fuck, if she moved and spoke and put me in my place so quickly after captivity, what would she be like a month from now? A year from now? I’d be the one on my knees begging for any attention she’d bestow.

He was the one who made me believe. He was the one who nudged me closer to confidence.

Elder was my right, but I was his wrong. As I healed, he succumbed. As I got better, he got worse.

“A soul is priceless and could never have a monetary sum attached. Net worth might make a difference in this life, but when we die, we’re all worth the same.”

“We’re worth the weight of what we leave behind. The people we’ve touched. The lives we’ve shared. The knowledge we’ve gathered and traded. Physically, we’re worth the dust our corpses turn into, but spiritually, we’re rich forever.”

Her eyes latched onto mine. “No, tell me a different truth, so I don’t feel as if you’re numbing yourself to be with me. Tell me, so I’m not left thinking you don’t want me after all.”

Consent being the key word. I’d never had sex. I’d only had rape. This was new. This was fresh and unknown and nothing to be afraid of.

My answer switched from yes to no to yes to no a million times over in a matter of seconds. I fought a war between the slave I’d been and the woman I wanted to become. Pim and Tasmin. Captive and free.

“Believe me when I say this. You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.” His eyes met mine for just a second before dropping back to the black velvet and lace lingerie I wore.

“This is what you’ve done to me. The pain I’m in. The need you’ve caused. It’s all because of you. But no matter how much I want you to put me out of my misery, I won’t force you. I’m not going to touch you until you give me permission.”

Pain, I knew. Pain, I understood. I didn’t want that for him. I didn’t want that for me. I wanted something different. Something already building between us that was nameless but known all at the same time.

I didn’t tell him I hadn't been looking for an escape but making sure we would remain undisturbed. That I trusted him more than I’d trusted anyone—even myself. That he’d proven to me, by remaining locked in his chair, that I could do whatever I wanted.

I’d never had a man submit before. I grew drunk on it, powerful on it. I swallowed a star and glowed with it.

“You gave me something incredible, Elder. You gave me pleasure. You are the first person I’m not afraid of. The first man I willingly want to touch and kiss. That’s huge. Life changing. You have no idea what that means to me.”

Ready to hunt her, watch her, and somehow find the strength to love her.

If I didn’t have feelings for her before, I sure as fuck did now. She might have just stolen a book, but to me…to me, she’d just stolen my heart.

“No, you asked. I stole it for you. I know it doesn’t have a large cash value. In fact, it’s dog-eared and well-used. But it carries so much I need to say to you. To prove just how grateful I am. We might all speak different verses and use foreign alphabets, but you understand me. I don’t want to be silent anymore. I want to talk. To you. I want to understand—”

I’d had sex with this man and remained unbroken. I’d lived with this man and remained unhurt. I’d fought with this man and remained unbruised.

But to me? She was fucking everything. She wasn’t just asking me to sleep with her. She was asking me to keep falling when I’d had no intention of ever tripping.