For more great reads and free samplers, visit LBYRDigitalDeals.com and join our communities at: Facebook.com/LittleBrownBooks Twitter.com/lbkids theNOVL.com
Issues:
Table of Contents, Copyright, and Map. Why are these at the back of the book? They should be at the front. I don't care that I have an ebook copy. They go at the front!
Pictures. They take away from the imagination. When I read, I form ideas in my mind for everything. Here, the authors steal those ideas away with pictures right in the middle of the page. Middle of the words. They are also a distraction. I have to cover the images to keep my eyes on the story. These would be best at the beginning of the book or as chapter starters. I have seen chapters with a single image filling a page between chapter title and chapter story.
Chapter Dates. Understandable, but many chapters have the same date. Some chapters have one date but are a week long. Personally, I would do a date range for each part of the book. For example Part 1 (September) Part 2 (October) Part 3 (November)...
Thought Sharing. It is difficult to understand if it is Ethan or Lena thinking or making the action. It is also confusing when they speak/act one line and then think/act the rest in the next line. These aren't sentences of a paragraph. It literally looks like Ethan speaks/acts and Lena responds mentally, but it is all Ethan. Or the other way around.
Conversations. There are times when multiple people speak and there is no way to process who. There are no name tags, and many times two people are associated with the same words spoken. One speaking, one reacting all in the same line/paragraph. Then there are times when one person speaks for three lines/paragraphs. There does exist a proper structure to this.
Strange Situations. Ethan and Lena don't recognize Genevive's portrait despite their visions of her. Items appear out of nowhere, like Lena shutting a mirror on the way to the dance. Standing without moving, like when Ethan grabs a shirt from under the bed and then has to be guided back because he apparently stood and crossed the room. Getting in the car. Opening a book. Hands and arms holding/not holding and sometimes in awkward positions or when not possible. Larkin opening his eyes, fluttering his lids wildly, and opening his eyes. Lena reaching for Ethan, her fingers slipping through his, then being found sitting without notice. Casters have green or gold eyes. Green for light, gold for dark. How does Larkin have baby blues?
Situation Inconsistencies (highlighted). ECW is shot in the chest. Genevive sticks wadded material into the wound to stop the bleeding. ELW is stabbed in the stomach. ELW muses how the wounds mirror each other. Their lives mirror each other. Now the lives, yes. The wounds, no.
Time Inconsistencies (highlighted). Larkin says it is half past. Almost midnight. Several horrifying moments later, it is 11:25. How does a broken phone read time? It can't. A broken analog watch can, but not a phone or anything digital.
Place Inconsistencies. Ethan above the crypt with the stone angel and arm outstretched over edge, Lena below the crypt reaching toward Ethan desperately, Ethan and Lena together in the mud, Lena running toward the crypt. Body under the oak trees, body in the grass near the crypt. I have no idea where they are.
Annoying Phrase. "What are you talking about?". This is said way too many times. 19X. Although, maybe it is realistic... Personally, I always hear "What?" and "Huh?"
Same/Similar Names:
A character named Savannah and a town named Savannah
Aunt Del and Aunt Delilah
Reece, Ryan, and Ridley
Link and Larkin
