History Is All You Left Me

by Adam Silvera

I have to believe these universes exist; it’s the only way to manage the suffering here.

I back away, and he’s beaming. His face lights up in the same way when a trailer comes on for a new movie he’s really excited about. He has this preview in his head, and he can’t wait to see if it’s everything he’s daydreaming about.

That’s the nature of having a brain that spins, I guess. I know brains aren’t supposed to spin—minds can, not the actual brains themselves. But there’s a lot going on in my head I don’t understand and may never understand, and it seems silly to cling to the idea that my brain is this f leshy thing that stays in its place, this thing that behaves like other brains.

ME!

My life has changed. I can’t take back my f irst f light any more than I can take back losing my virginity to you, any more than I can take back the things I would love to undo. Possibilities are wheeling through my mind rapidly. If I can f ly here for you, where will I go for me?

Really moving and just powerful, I guess. If you can overcome something you thought impossible for someone else then imagine all of the things you can overcome for yourself. Youre not trapped by others- by the expectations of your parents or the desires of your friends- but free from them, free for them. And that allows you to be free for you too. The way the paragraph was written and came together could be a story in and of itself. It moves and it builds up to an open question; a crescendo of sorts. It is applicable to everyone's life. Is this the start of his thoughts and thought processes changing?

It’s freeing to be in the driver’s seat, to decide if I’ll go left or right, forward or reverse. It’s freeing to be in control.

Firstly, very true. Secondly, I am once again sensing that increased freedom is leading to change in him. First the plane, and now, the car.

It’s been one month since you died. It’s been one month since you lived.

as I stand here in the ocean that stole you away from us, I wonder if any molecule here witnessed your death, if any water splashing against my legs f illed your throat as you struggled to breathe.