How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use

by Randy J. Paterson

First, you must not ask yourself why it is so important to learn about tragedies (coups, distant earthquakes, celebrity firings, election results) the moment they occur. The fact that such reports provide you no useful information will only undermine your commitment to viewing. Instead, retain a firm belief in the importance and relevance of “breaking news” and being up to the minute. Second, you must not ask about the actual information content of the stories presented. They must be seen as worthy in their own right, not because they actually tell you anything. Repetition should be tolerated without complaint, and the lack of detail or balanced analysis must be ignored. You should know about the latest bombing in the Middle East, you should see the bloodied clothing of the victims, and you should attend the funerals by video proxy. Avoid questioning whether this helps any of the people affected. Third, you should disregard the fact that the content is heavily filtered, seeing it instead as a dispassionate account of the present state of the world. Pay attention only to the coverage of the Pakistani bus that crashed into a gorge, killing twenty-two. Ignore the absence of any mention of the fifty thousand buses that reached their destinations without incident.