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December 2 - December 2, 2020
The ability to “bounce back,” regulate emotions, and cope with stress is a key trait in a healthy, functioning adult.
A child who learns to cope with stress, makes friends, and yet is realistic about the world has a set of life skills that are very different from being a math genius,
“proximal development,”
Children who are pushed or pulled too much risk developing an external locus of control because they aren’t controlling their development;
the more they play, the better their brains become at regulating stress as they grow.
this is their way of learning how much stress they can endure.
Create an enriching environment
Use art
If we teach our children to recognize and accept their authentic feelings, good or bad, and act in a way that’s consistent with their values, the challenges and rough patches in life won’t topple them.
Emotional honesty, not perfection, is what children truly need from their parents.
Being too pressured or praised, children may learn to do things for external recognition rather than for internal satisfaction,
“process” praise—praise
praise for engagement, perseverance, strategies, improvement, and so on—fosters motivation and resilience.
Answer with honesty
Read stories that encompass all emotions
Use process praise
Highlight your unique and authentic perspective, and your child’s, by saying “for me”
“There isn’t bad weather, only bad clothing!”
when we deliberately reinterpret an event to feel better about it, it decreases activity in areas of the brain involved in the processing of negative emotions and increases activity in areas of the brain involved in cognitive control and adaptive integration.
reframing or reauthoring isn’t about eliminating negative events in our lives; rather, it is about placing less importance on them and focusing more on the aspects we do like.
“You hate it? Yes, you did play pretty badly today, but remember last week when you scored two goals?”
Step by Step. The children are shown pictures of kids each exhibiting a different emotion: sadness, fear, anger, frustration, happiness, and so on. The kids talk about these cards and put into words what the child is sensing, learning to conceptualize their own and others’ feelings.
When you teach a child that she won’t be forced to do something simply to appease another or just to make things easier, it becomes a powerful lesson in the long run.
Help your child see others’ emotions as well as experiencing his own without imposing your judgment.
Studies show that reading to children markedly increases their empathy levels. And not just reading nice books but reading books that encompass all emotions, including negative and uncomfortable ones.
Remember, protest is a response to something
Remember that protest is a way of communicating. It can also be a sign of growing independence. Appreciate it for what it is, instead of thinking of it as a terrible annoyance.
Show that you listen Make sure you show your child that you listen to her. For example, when she asks for something, it is important to show her that she is heard and understood—even if it cannot be done. Repeat it so she knows that you heard her. “I can hear that you would like a lollipop, but . . .” Explain
Teach your children that the family is a team Instead of “every man for himself,” encourage
We agree to try to . . . Turn off the phones and the iPads. Leave our drama at the door. There are other times to focus on our problems. Hygge is about creating a safe place to relax with others and leave the everyday stressors outside. Not complain unnecessarily. Look for ways to help out so that no one person gets stuck doing all the work. Light candles if we are inside. Make a conscious effort to enjoy the food and the drinks. Not bring up controversial topics like politics. Anything that creates a fight or an argument is not hyggeligt. We can have those discussions at other times. Tell and
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