The Danish Way of Parenting: What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids

by Jessica Joelle Alexander

Allan Holmgren, a well-known Danish psychologist, believes that our reality is created in the language we use. All change involves a change in language. A problem is only a problem if it is referred to as a problem.

If we hold on to the good in people, to separate actions from the person, we teach our children that we forgive them when they themselves misbehave.

Many people feel afraid of really opening up and being vulnerable because they don’t want to be judged or rejected. And in this fear, many relationships get reduced to superficialities. Our Fear of Vulnerability and the Discovery of the Social Brain Brené Brown, a lead researcher in vulnerability, says that people are afraid to be vulnerable because they are actually afraid of disconnection. We so much want social connection that we become afraid to say something that might make another person reject us. And yet, being vulnerable and having empathy serve to bring us closer to each other. So we move from vulnerability to the other side of the spectrum, which is shame.

Improve meaningful relationships Try using empathy to patch up some of your own relationships. Having fractured relationships has been proven to cause physical and psychological damage. Empathy and forgiveness activate the same region of the brain, which means the more you hone your empathy skills, the easier it is to forgive and be forgiven. Meaningful friend and family relationships are the most important factors determining true happiness, well above having a lot of money.

In English it is called the “terrible twos,” whereas in Danish it is called trodsalder (the “boundary age”); children pushing boundaries is normal and welcomed, not annoying and terrible. When you see it that way, it is easier to welcome the misbehavior rather than seeing it as bad and deserving of punishment.

#terribletwos #boundaryage