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“parental ethnotheories.”
The ability to “bounce back,” regulate emotions, and cope with stress is a key trait in a healthy, functioning adult.
They believe that children fundamentally need space and trust to allow them to master things by themselves, to make and solve their own problems. This creates genuine self-esteem and self-reliance because it comes from the child’s own internal cheerleader, not from someone else.
Studies have repeatedly shown that children, adolescents, and adults who have a strong external locus of control are predisposed to anxiety and depression—they become anxious because they believe they have little or no control over their fate, and they become depressed when this sense of helplessness gets to be too great.
Play Patrol,
No legacy is so rich as honesty. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
For Danes, authenticity begins with an understanding of our own emotions. If we teach our children to recognize and accept their authentic feelings, good or bad, and act in a way that’s consistent with their values, the challenges and rough patches in life won’t topple them. They will know that they have acted in accordance with what feels right. They will know how to recognize their own limits and respect them. This inner compass, an authentic self-esteem based on values, becomes the most powerful guiding force in one’s life, largely resistant to external pressures.
Learning to act on intrinsic goals, such as improving relationships or engaging in hobbies you love, rather than on extrinsic goals, such as buying a new car, is what is proven to create true well-being.
This value of humility is about knowing who you are so well that you don’t need others to make you feel important. Therefore, they try not to overload their children with compliments.
The children with the fixed mind-set lost their confidence and enjoyment the minute they had difficulties solving the problem.
Listening to and expressing one’s own true thoughts and feelings is what keeps us on the right track to going after what makes us happy in life.
Kids are incredible lie detectors, and they can feel unstable if you are being fake.
Realistic optimists merely filter out unnecessary negative information.
They learn to tune out negative words and occurrences and develop a habit of interpreting ambiguous situations in a more positive manner.
“More than education, more than experience, more than training, a person’s level of resilience will determine who succeeds and who fails. That’s true in the cancer ward, it’s true in the Olympics, and it’s true in the boardroom.”
We feel what we think.
The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world. Allan Holmgren, a well-known Danish psychologist, believes that our reality is created in the language we use. All change involves a change in language. A problem is only a problem if it is referred to as a problem.
When they hear a plotline repeated about their lives, they begin to associate themselves with these labels and draw identity conclusions from them.
externalization language, or language that separates the person from the problem. Laziness is not something in the genes; rather, it is something that can affect people at different times.
The more we can separate the behavior from the child, the more we can change how we see her and, thus, how she sees herself.
Once a child finds a better story line, try to repeat it so it sticks. But the solution should ultimately come from the child herself. This builds real self-esteem because she becomes the master of her own emotional responses. She isn’t told how to feel and act.
turning them into a different sentence. “I do manage to exercise at least once
Competition and striving to be number one are part of what defines being American.
Perhaps, then, it is no surprise that empathy is one of the single most important factors in making successful leaders, entrepreneurs, managers, and businesses.
By pointing out the good in others, it becomes natural to see the good in others. It becomes more natural to trust.
how you choose to see children makes a big difference in your reaction to them.
Good teams become great ones when the members trust each other enough to surrender the “me” for the “we.” PHIL JACKSON
