Mixed Nuts: or What I've Learned Practicing Psychotherapy

by Rick Cormier

read everything on Milton Erickson that I could. I even signed up to study Ericksonian Hypnotherapy

most anxiety clients are obsessive personality types (controllers),

“Always do what you're afraid to do.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Many people, especially those with anxiety disorders, avoid situations that make them anxious. The fact is,

We often get anxious about things that are important to us.

The things and situations that make you nervous can be a road map to your own happiness. Don't avoid them. Learn to tolerate your anxiety. Take a risk. Your best life is always just beyond your comfort zone.

controllers are often perfectionists, holding themselves to impossible standards in an unconscious effort to please an imaginary parent in their head. They are unreasonably tough on the rest of us because they think that we should all be held to the same standards.

Change the basic underlying personality in a way that's not terribly difficult for the client, get them to have a good laugh at themselves while doing it, and many anxiety symptoms disappear.

People with social phobia have a crippling fear of being judged or embarrassed in common social situations. Will I sound intelligent? Will I act withdrawn? Will people know how nervous I am?

Hemlock, Wolfsbane, Horse Chestnuts, Wild Carrot, Meadow Saffron, and Belladonna are all natural – and all deadly poisons.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

They have no tolerance for uncertainty. They may feel it's their fault when anything bad happens.

People with Generalized Anxiety Disorder feel safer experiencing life from a distance through the fantasy world of the mind than they do being in the present moment.

The act of overthinking is an unconscious way of avoiding feelings.

I'll often ask the client to make a written list of all the worries that come into his mind, now in the office and then add to that list throughout her week. Then, in the next session, we discuss whether each item is an immediate and solvable problem as well as the likelihood of each worst-case scenario.

Directly experienced the traumatic event;

Something that you see, hear, or smell can cause you to relive the event. This is called a trigger.

Persistent trauma-related external reminders (e.g., people, places, conversations, activities, objects, or situations).

Inability to recall key features of the traumatic event (not due to head injury, alcohol, or drugs).

Persistent blame of self or others for causing the traumatic event or for the resulting consequences.

Markedly diminished interest in previously enjoyable activities.

Self-destructive or reckless behavior.

Exaggerated startle response. Problems concentrating Problems sleeping.

They are very protective of their personal space, and they startle easily.

tend to keep their physical and emotional distance.

People with PTSD need lots of personal space and will not casually invade the personal space of a stranger.

Check out Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley to read some of Erickson's cases and surprising interventions.

I was the square peg in a world full of round holes. I would never fit. I would never belong. I would never matter. I only took up space and used up resources. That was my reality.

There is such a thing as a “depressed lifestyle”. It includes staying up late and getting up late, watching lots of television, social isolation, neglected hygiene, and lack of exercise.

Someone who sincerely wants to be dead will succeed. No warning, no cry for help, no suicide note, and a slim chance of failure or being prematurely discovered. It's a harsh reality.

People feel suicidal when their pain exceeds their perceived capacity to cope with the pain.

Most people who are suicidal convince themselves that the world (including their family and friends) will be better off without them.

Borderline clients will often try to find as much personal information on you as they can. They want to know where you live, which car is yours, your marital status, your history, your phone number, etc. At one time, they would routinely look for you in the phone book. Today, a simple internet search yields lots more personal info.

Borderlines have no emotional self-regulation. Their anger becomes rage. Their sadness looks like deep depression. Any feeling of abandonment can trigger a violent and even psychotic response.

You need to figure out what activities, people, and thoughts make you happy and deliberately include them in your life.

We can make adult choices that result in the type of person we want to be. We can make choices based on what sort of person, friend, worker, spouse, or parent we would choose to be.

“Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.”~Viktor E. Frankl

Quote

Do I listen to you? Do I enjoy spending time with you? Do I treat you with respect? Am I present for you, emotionally? Am I supportive? Do I go out of my way to make you feel loved? It's easy to tell you that you're special. Do I treat you as if you were special? Do I treat you lovingly?

Love is how you treat someone. If you ever want to know how someone feels about you, pay attention to how they treat you. There lies the truth.

For starters, they didn't own a television. Mel said it forced them to talk with one another, play games and cards, etc. So far as he was concerned, “TV teaches people to sit in the same room and ignore one another.” Seemed a bit radical, but I understood what he was saying.

Another thing that impressed me about their relationship was that they got all dressed up and went out every Thursday night. They went to dinner, and then to a movie or a show or dancing depending on what was going on.

After more than a decade of marriage, they each wrote each other notes, bought each other little gifts; they did everything they could to make the other feel loved every day.

you commit to doing whatever it takes to making your partner feel loved, every day. Worry less about what you're getting and more about what

you're giving. If your partner isn't reciprocating, you have a much deeper problem.

Three things make up who we are as individuals: what we think, what we feel, and what we do. If we manage to change any one of these three aspects of ourselves, the other two will follow.

Targeting what a person does sums up the behavioral approach. Behavioral techniques are vital. Examples are Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Reality Therapy, Operant Conditioning, Exposure techniques, etc.

storytelling can be a powerful seed-planting tool. Sometimes I tell true stories, and sometimes I make them up. The important thing is to plant that seed while the client's defenses are down so that the client can arrive at a solution on his own.

People create precisely what they try hardest to avoid.

Forget the dream interpretation books. Anytime you want to know what your dream meant, ask yourself what feelings it provoked. Then ask yourself what is going on in your life that might cause those sorts of feelings. Score extra points if it's something you've been trying not to think about.

If you managed to reach adulthood and your relationships with your parents or your siblings are not what you wish they were, find relationships elsewhere! That's what lovers and spouses and friends are for!