Mixed Nuts: or What I've Learned Practicing Psychotherapy

by Rick Cormier

understood that depression was a disease of thought, perception, and behavior, which meant that changing one's thought, perception, or behavior would change one's depression.

I don't care how you feel. I care how you function.

“It works the same with dreaming, also. Our unconscious mind creates our dreams. The specific elements of our dreams – the people, places, and situations – are completely random. Only the emotions they evoke in us have any relevance.”

I was happier than a fly in an outhouse!

We often get anxious about things that are important to us.

Think about it. First impressions, job interviews, performances, major purchases. The things and situations that make you nervous can be a road map to your own happiness. Don't avoid them. Learn to tolerate your anxiety. Take a risk. Your best life is always just beyond your comfort zone.

The fears you avoid become stronger. The fears you confront become weaker while you get stronger. It's your choice. You can e...

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” ~Thomas a Kempis

Controllers love to assign themselves the role of teacher or critic in relationships. Their most hurtful words come disguised as teachings, teasing or constructive criticism.

Controllers have no tolerance for blame, so they externalize it. Everything they do wrong, every misjudgment, every mistake is someone else's fault, in their mind. They are handicapped when it comes to seeing their own faults, but experts in spotting yours.

What did he want from therapy? “How can I get people to stop interrupting me?” That's how controllers think: “If only the rest of you would do what you should, I could be happy!”

They all know what the rest of us should be doing and how we should live, but they're some of the least happy people on the planet because they rely on external sources for their comfort and self-esteem, rather than carry it with them.

“The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.” ~Erich Fromm

“The deepest fear we have, 'the fear beneath all fears,' is the fear of not measuring up, the fear of judgment.”

The act of overthinking is an unconscious way of avoiding feelings.

make a written list of all the worries that come into his mind, now in the office and then add to that list throughout her week. Then, in the next session, we discuss whether each item is an immediate and solvable problem as well as the likelihood of each worst-case scenario.

designating a “worry period”. Clients are instructed to make a note reminding them of an issue when they catch themselves worrying or solving non-existent problems and delay all worrying until a specific hour of the day. I suggest designating a 30-minute period in the evening. When the 30 minutes is over, all worries get shelved until the next evening.

We need to get people out of their heads and into the present moment in the real world.

“A sense of humor is the best indicator that you will recover; it is often the best indicator that people will love you. Sustain that and you have hope.”

The power of the exercise was to realize that they survived the silly behavior. The world did not fall apart because they had stepped out of character.

Check out Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley to read some of Erickson's cases and surprising interventions.

As I used to tell my supervisors, “If I was perfect, you couldn't afford me!”

The best way to understand depression is to understand that there is a “voice” inside your head that doesn't belong there. That's a strange concept because we assume we have only one voice in our head: Our own. But while your voice advocates for you, the voice of your depression advocates only for itself.

Your depression ultimately wants you dead. And the only way it can achieve that is by separating you from the two things that make life worth living: People and Activity.

My son grew up with the dad I chose to be, not the one I was trained to be.

“Live as if you were living a second time, and as though you had acted wrongly the first time.”~Viktor E. Frankl

Remember that compromise results in a win-win situation. It is not the same as giving up pieces of yourself or what you want or need.

It's important to understand that, while abusers are incapable of loving others, they're incapable of loving themselves, also.

When you figure out who will keep you miserable, you can begin to recognize who might make you happy.