How to Talk Dirty and Influence People: An Autobiography

by Lenny Bruce

one generation saves to buy rubbers for the kids on a rainy day, and when it comes they sit out under a tree getting soaking wet and digging the lightning.

Seeing those pitiful, fresh-dead bodies, I knew then what a mockery of life the materialistic concept is. After

There’s nothing sadder than an old hipster.

Marilyn’s respectability when she died was based principally upon her economic status, which is, in the final analysis, the only type our society really respects.

I felt—and still do feel—that all so-called “men of God” are self-ordained. The “calling” they hear is just their own echo. I knew, of course,

I knew in my heart by pure logic that any man who calls himself a religious leader and owns more than one suit is a hustler as long as there is someone in the world who has no suit at all. So I made up my mind. I would become a priest.

People usually look like their homes.

if the bedroom is dirty to you, then you are a true atheist, because if you have any of the mores, superstitions, if anyone in this audience believes that God made his body, and your body is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer. It’s

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will some day become Congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.