At the time I didn’t really believe in anything, but I wanted to. I considered myself an atheist but really I was a practicing hedonist. Because I felt like this life was all there was, I wanted to make the most of it, which I equated to having as much pleasure as possible. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was already starting to become disenchanted with that kind of existence. I was starting to realize that there was no end to the feeding of pleasure, of desire, because in the end it only made me more hungry.
