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If there’s been a narrative theme in my life, it has been a need to find a narrative in everything.
I spent a lot of time feeling scandalized, and I loved it. There is nothing more fun than being young and judgmental.
To those who grow up without a penis, boners are magic.
In the end, every moralist is a hypocrite.
—Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard, the best fan fiction writer ever
I do what comedians have done for thousands of years: channel my misery into comedy.
there is a place where people like me live and love while fretting constantly about their own mortality and the fate of the universe. I know who I am now: I am a New Yorker.
Being a celebrity meant being vulnerable. It meant my face, my body, even my death were for public consumption—none of them was mine alone.
“I write stupid things on the Internet to pay the bills,” she said. “I can’t afford integrity.”
It is not my job to be pretty, or cute, or anything that someone else wants me to be.
She and my father loved each other deeply, but she didn’t need him.
Being smart felt like all I had, and if I couldn’t get something right the first time, everyone would know I wasn’t.
Here’s what I’ve learned: If you’re worried you have a psychosis, you probably don’t, but even if you do, there’s help for it. Fighting with anxiety makes it worse; instead, accept the anxiety, and it will become less scary.
Like all teenage girls, we were part vigilante.
When you believe you’re persecuted, you will believe anything you do is justified.
A lot of men wonder what a woman wants. The answer is power. There are many ways to get it, but the easiest way is to tear other girls down. Any girl can play that game, but there’s no way to win, except not to play at all.
Anyone who doesn’t think fiction is as revealing as nonfiction is wrong: it’s more revealing, because the revelation is done unintentionally.
I generally assumed a guy was gay until proven straight, taken until proven single, and not interested until he’d put his tongue in my mouth.
People who choose to be vulnerable are rare. People who manage to do it well are even more so.
