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The Dalai Lama teaches, “Many people . . . assume that feeling compassion for others is only good for the others and not for oneself. This is . . . incorrect.
Rejoicing in one’s altruistic deeds is considered wholesome joy because it is joy uncontaminated with greed, ill will, or the seeds of future suffering.
The far enemy of loving-kindness is ill will, especially strong ill will, as in hatred. Loving-kindness has two near enemies, both of which are often dominant in romantic relationships, which is why those relationships tend to go sour over time.
The far enemy of compassion is cruelty. Compassion has two near enemies. The first is grief born of despair.
The second near enemy of compassion is pity.
Compassion is always selfless and ego-busting. It is also always wholesome.
The far enemies of altruistic joy are jealousy and envy.
The far enemies of equanimity are mental factors that cause agitation in the mind, such as restlessness, anxiety, craving, and hatred. Equanimity has two near enemies. The first is disengagement, when we simply ignore what we do not want to see. The second near enemy of equanimity is apathy.
Frequent activation of the vagus nerve turns out to be very good for your physical health. If you often have thoughts of kindness, compassion, and altruistic joy, you activate the vagus nerve a lot, and after a while, your vagal tone improves.7 High vagal tone is correlated with a healthy heart, while low vagal tone predicts heart failure and mortality after heart attacks.
In the beginning, there is only self, there is no other. And then, there is self, and there is other. Later on, self and other are one, there is no separation. Finally, there is no self, there is only other.
peace and joy are the default states of mind. They don’t have to be created—they just need to be accessed.
One of the signs of true greatness is the ability to hold a large amount of pain, not just with courage and equanimity, but also with kindness, compassion, and joy.
When joy is much stronger than pain, the joy can displace the pain, but when the pain is so strong it cannot be displaced, then the joy can exist alongside the pain without displacing it or dissolving it away.
With kindness and compassion to others. If your emotional pain is caused by the actions of another person, it is best to do loving-kindness toward that same person, reminding yourself that this person is like me in three ways: she is human, just like me; she wants to be happy, just like me; she wants to be free from suffering, just like me. Keep that in mind and give her the benefit of the doubt.
With kindness and compassion to yourself. See yourself in the eyes of your caring best friend.
By not believing everything you think. Remember that the brain doesn’t usually differentiate between imagination and fact. Keep that in mind and always be willing to be wrong.
“It takes a very long time to be an overnight success.”
The stronger one is in samatha and vipassana, the more one can remain calm, even, and free in the face of eight worldly conditions: gain and loss, honor and dishonor, praise and blame, and pleasure and pain.
It is very important to understand that ultimately, meditation is not about getting anything—meditation is entirely about letting go. In fact, I can summarize my entire twenty-plus years of meditation practice in just two words: letting go. The entirety of my practice is learning to let go. For example, early on, I learned to let go of my addiction to constant sensory and mental stimulation. A bit later on, I learned to let go of restlessness and distraction during sitting meditation. Much later on, I learned to let go of some amount of greed, hatred, anxiety, and destructive ego. And at the
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Ultimately, the reason to practice and master meditation is to free ourselves and others from all suffering and its causes. It is not about stress relief, or creativity, or confidence; it is not even about enjoying food better. It is about reducing, perhaps even eliminating, suffering in the world, beginning with reducing or eliminating suffering within oneself, and to start by cultivating inner peace, inner joy, and compassion. Peace is the beginning of the end of all suffering.
