More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (More Than Two Essentials)

by Franklin Veaux

The people in a relationship are more important than the relationship. Don't treat people as things. These are simple, but not necessarily easy. We will be returning to them often. Axiom 1, of course, does not mean that relationships aren't important. And it doesn't mean that you should never make personal sacrifices for the benefit of a relationship. But while it is often necessary to make sacrifices of time, short-term gratification or non-essential desires for the long-term benefit of a relationship (or a partner), it is never desirable to sacrifice your self for a relationship. We discuss this further in chapters 4 and 5. And while individual wishes do sometimes need to be subsumed to collective well-being, it's important to remember that relationships exist to serve the people in them. If a relationship stops serving the people in it, it's not doing its job. It may not even have a reason to exist anymore. Thus, axiom 1 is, like axiom 2, always true (that's why it's an axiom). Even though the people and the relationship need to serve each other, the people are always more important. Always.