More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (More Than Two Essentials)

by Franklin Veaux

Ali lives with Tatiana and is also in a relationship with Alexis. Ali and Tatiana have two young children. Their relationship involves a lot of housework, diaper changes and arguing over the budget. Their downtime together consists of a lot of cuddling in front of Doctor Who but not much sex and only the occasional night out. Ali and Alexis only see each other a couple of times a month, so their time together is intense. They usually spend half of it having sex, the other half in deep conversation or doing exciting things—all focused on one another. Maybe once or twice a year they'll get away together for a long weekend at a bed-and-breakfast. Most people in Tatiana's position would feel like she's getting all the cucumbers and Alexis is getting all the grapes. The things Ali and Alexis do are fun, right? They're dates—something long-established couples can have a tendency to forget about, or not have time for. And it is very important for live-in couples to take time to care for their relationship, so they don't take each other for granted. But it's also worth considering why we might think Tatiana is getting the cucumbers—and how, to Alexis, they might actually look a lot like grapes. Ali and Alexis might have a vacation relationship—they may have more fun together, and Ali and Tatiana more work. But Ali and Tatiana share some things that are arguably far more precious, and which Alexis may never have access to. Things like being able to wake up nearly every morning toge...