When a marriage ends in divorce, we say that it’s failed. The marriage was a failure. Why? Because both parties got out alive. It doesn’t matter if the parting is amicable, it doesn’t matter if the exes are happier apart, it doesn’t matter if two happy marriages take the place of one unhappy marriage. A marriage that ends in divorce failed. Only a marriage that ends with someone in the cooler down at Maloney’s is a success.

