A Thousand Boy Kisses

by Tillie Cole

“I’ll give you a thousand kisses, Poppymin. All of them. No one will kiss you ever, but me.”

Maybe it was because sometimes all we get are moments. There are no do-overs; whatever happens in a moment defines life—perhaps it is life. But capturing a moment on film keeps that moment alive, forever. To me, photography was magic.

In this moment, this single captured moment, there was that expression. The one she gave to me as readily as she gave to her music. The one that told me I had her just as much as she had me. The one that ensured we had stayed together all these years. The one that said even though we were young, we knew we’d found our soulmate in the other.

I’d seen Poppy every day since I was five. Slept beside her almost every night since I was twelve. Kissed her every day since I was eight, and loved her with everything I had for so many days I’d stopped keeping track. I had no idea how to live a day without her next to me. How to breathe without her by my side.

We see the usual stars above us every single night. Most people take them for granted, even forget they are there. But if a person sees a shooting star, they remember that moment forever, they even make a wish at its presence.”

“It shoots by so quickly that people savor the short time they have with it.”

“Maybe we’re like the cherry blossom, Rune. Like shooting stars. Maybe we loved too much too young and burned so bright that we had to fade out.” She pointed behind us, to the blossom grove. “Extreme beauty, quick death. We had this love long enough to teach us a lesson. To show us how capable of love we truly are.”

“I will never forgive you, either of you, for doing this to me. I hate you both so much right now I can’t stand to be near you.” I was surprised at how harsh my voice sounded. It was thick and full with all the anger that was building inside of me. Anger that I hadn’t known it was possible to feel. I knew to most people I seemed moody, sullen, but really, I rarely felt anger. Now I felt I was made of it. Only hate ran through my veins. Rage.

I held on to the memory of that wave goodbye. I vowed to hold onto it until that wave welcomed me home again. Until it once again stood for ‘hello’.

Then I cried. I cried for the boy who was my sun. I mourned the boy I once loved with everything I had. I mourned Poppy and Rune—a couple of extreme beauty and even quicker death.

won’t be able to let you go. Because wherever you go, I have to go too. I’ve tried living without you, it doesn’t work.”

“I can’t take you with me where I’m going.”

How did she face this death sentence with such dignity? All I wanted to do was curse at the world, to destroy everything in my path.

It was the third moment that defined my life. The night I found out I would lose the girl I loved. Knowing our moments together were numbered, I held on to her tighter, refusing to let go. She fell asleep doing exactly the same… …a powerful echo of who we used to be.

“I can still see your light. Beneath the anger, you’re still there.”

“Once you’ve seen one sunrise, you’ve seen them all,” I replied. Poppy shook her head sadly. When she looked at me, it was in pity. It made my stomach turn. “That’s not true,” she argued. “Every day is different. The colors, the shades, the impact on your soul.” She sighed and said, “Every day is a gift, Rune. If I’ve learned anything from the last couple of years, it’s that.” I was silent.

“I’m the girl who wakes up early to watch the sunrise. I’m the girl who wants to see the good in everyone, the one who is taken away by a song, inspired by art.” Turning to me, she smiled. “I’m that girl, Rune. The one who waits out the storm simply to catch a glimpse of a rainbow. Why be miserable when you can be happy? It’s an obvious choice to me.”

wish that people realized how this felt every day. Why does it take a life ending to learn how to cherish each day? Why must we wait until we run out of time to start to accomplish all that we dreamed, when once we had all the time in the world? Why don’t we look at the person we love the most like it’s the last time we will ever see them? Because if we did, life would be so vibrant. Life would be so truly and completely lived.”

she declared, “I’m Poppy Litchfield and you’re Rune Kristiansen. This is a handshake. My mamaw told me it’s what you do when you don’t know somebody. Now we’re friends. Best friends.” Poppy looked up at me through her lashes and I laughed. I laughed as I recalled the day I met her. When we were five, and I saw her climb through her window, blue dress covered in mud and a big white bow in her hair.

was going to do this for her. I was going to do my damnedest to make her happy. I’d win her back. I’d win her back as the Rune I was now. There was no choice. This was us. This was our new adventure. One that would make her feel alive.

It was a constant battle. Seeing Poppy so carefree and happy filled me with the brightest of lights, but knowing these moments were limited, finite, running out, brought only darkness. Patches of pitch black. And anger. The ever-present unwound coil of anger that waited to strike.

“I have come to understand that death, for the sick, is not so hard to endure. For us, eventually, our pain ends, we go to a better place. But for those left behind, their pain only magnifies.”

Because how dare we waste a single breath? How dare we waste something so precious? Instead, we should strive for all those precious breaths to be taken in as many precious moments as we can squeeze into this short time on Earth. That’s the message I want to leave behind. And what a beautiful legacy to leave for those I love.”

“He tells the person that He had walked with them their whole life through. But, He explains, the times where there is only a single set of footprints were not when He walked beside them, but instead, when He carried them.”

“I don’t think, in all my life, that I’ve ever seen two kids love each other so hard so young, and even harder as teens.” Aunt DeeDee pulled me back to meet my eyes. “Cherish this time with him, Pops. That boy, he loves you. You’d have to be blind to not see it.”

Kiss eight hundred and nineteen was the kiss that changed it all. The kiss that proved that a long-haired brooding boy from Norway and a quirky girl from the Deep South could find a love to rival the greats. It showed that love was simply the tenacity to make sure that the other half of your heart knew he, or she, was adored in every way. In every minute of every day. That love was tenderness in its purest form.

She was my cherry blossom. An unrivaled beauty, limited in its life. A beauty so extreme in its grace that it can’t last. It stays to enrich our lives, then drifts away in the wind. Never forgotten. Because it reminds us we must live. That life is fragile, yet in that fragility, there is strength. There is love. There is purpose. It reminds us that life is short, that our breaths are numbered and our destiny is fixed, regardless of how hard we fight. It reminds us not to waste a single second. Live hard, love harder. Chase dreams, seek adventures … capture moments. Live beautifully.

“Kiss nine hundred and thirty-four. In the blossom grove with the blossoms full. With my Rune … my heart almost burst.” I smiled. As I did,

“Someone I love taught me life is precious. She taught me not to do anything to jeopardize the adventure. And I listened.” “Rune,” Poppy said, a catch in her throat. “It is precious,” she whispered, “so very precious. Don’t waste one single second of it.”

“Kiss nine hundred and ninety-four. At my senior prom. With my Rune … my heart almost burst.”

Though my life had been short, I had loved long. And in the end, this was enough.

“I can’t imagine a more peaceful and beautiful send-off than your lips on mine. The end of our adventure. The adventure we’ve been on for nine years.”

I closed my eyes and replayed our lives in my mind. I remembered the times I hugged him and he hugged me harder. I remembered how I kissed him and he kissed me deeper. And best of all, I remembered how I would love him and he would always strive to love me more.

“You carried me. In my hardest times, when I couldn’t walk … you carried me through.” “Always,” Rune managed to reply hoarsely. “Forever always.”

Kiss 1000 With Poppymin. When she returned home. My heart completely burst.

The picture that didn’t change the world, but showed the woman who had changed his.

Nothing described this picture, currently staring back at me, more than this explanation. Poppy Litchfield was just a seventeen-year-old girl from a small town in Georgia. Yet, from the day I had met her, she tipped my world on its head. And even now, after her death, she was still changing my world. Enriching and filling it with a selfless beauty that would never be rivaled.

For my kisses. All one thousand. Every one was cherished. Every one was adored. As were you. Know that even though I’m gone, Rune, you will never be alone. I’ll be the hand forever holding yours. I’ll be the footprints walking beside you in the sand. I love you, Rune Kristiansen. With all of my heart. I cannot wait to see you in your dreams.

“Because Poppymin was just like the cherry blossom, Alt. She only had a short life, like they do, but the beauty that she brought in that time will never ever be forgotten. Because nothing so beautiful can last forever. She was a blossom petal, a butterfly … a shooting star … she was perfect … her life was short … but she was mine.” I took in a breath and whispered finally, “Just as I was hers.”