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February 6 - February 7, 2024
I’ve dreamed about what just happened. You’re supposed to be grateful when you get the things you dream about, but I’m not. Because now that I’ve had a small taste of how it would be with her, I’m going to go through my entire life aware of what I don’t have.
“I would do anything to fix this for you,” he says quietly, “and it kills me that I can’t. Tell me what to do.” It takes me a minute to reply. “You already make everything better,” I tell him. “And you’re the only one who ever has.”
I wanted to tell her that I want all the same things, and want them only with her. I want a thousand boring nights in, sitting on a ratty sofa listening to her malign newscasters and make fun of their guests. That I want to spend my entire life keeping her safe, even if it means sleeping on the couch outside her room to do it. That I’ve never wanted anything in my entire life the way I want her, and the idea of giving her up makes giving up climbing pale by contrast.
“My mom trusted you with a knife, did she?” I narrow my eyes at him. “That was before she knew you’d be in the kitchen. Hope that coffee’s fast. I’m feeling stabby all of a sudden.”
Holy shit. Olivia’s in a dress. A dress that flows over every curve. Curves even I didn’t realize she had, and I’ve done more than my fair share of looking. I am temporarily struck mute. I want to tell her that she is gorgeous, breathtaking, astonishing. That the second I saw her my stomach dropped with something that goes so far beyond lust that I can’t even name it. I can’t tell her any of this though, so I do what I’ve always done. I try to pretend she’s no longer there.
“To look at you and know that you made your choice and you didn’t choose me?”
By Saturday night, the night of the banquet, I think I’d cut off a limb just to lay eyes on her again. I crave her like a drug. It won’t solve anything and I don’t care. I just want to see her.
She is more real to me than anything in this room or out of it, the only thing I can see.
“Fuck,” he hisses, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. “You’re already soaked.”
“Jesus, Olivia,” he growls. “You’re going to be the end of me.”
“I’ve dreamed about doing this every goddamn night for months, Olivia. So let me.”
Because of all the things in the world I love, that I have a duty toward, she is first. And she is the one I won’t give up.
Once I find her, I swear to God I will never, ever take her for granted again.
“I’ve been far from honorable for a long time,” I tell her. “And I’m not being honorable now either. I’m here because I love you. Because I’m so in love with you, I can’t see straight.”
“In case you haven’t done this before, this is the part where you tell me you love me too.” “Have you done this part before?” she asks. I grin. “Yeah, about five seconds ago. And she didn’t say it back.” She smiles. “I love you.”
“We’ve got to stop,” I rasp, pulling back again. “I’m not wearing anything under this hospital gown, Will,” she says with a smile that goes straight to my dick. “Wanna see?” I groan aloud. This girl is going to be the end of me. But I guess I’ve known that since the day we met.
