Presto!: How I Made Over 100 Pounds Disappear and Other Magical Tales
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3%
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In 2012 I went on The Celebrity Apprentice with Donald Trump, who has hair that looks like cotton candy made of piss.
37%
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Whenever I mention “work” or “stress,” I don’t really mean it. Viktor Frankl, in his essay about being a prisoner at Auschwitz, draws an analogy between suffering and gas, in that they both fill up whatever space they’re put into. He says suffering completely fills the consciousness and soul, whether the suffering is great or small. This man, who lived through the worst suffering any humans have ever endured, says suffering is absolutely relative. I guess that’s true for all people who suffer, but I’m in showbiz, so I don’t suffer. I get annoyed and pissed off, and those things are not noble ...more
38%
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I’ve always been happy around my children, but now I was clearly happier. I was nicer to Teller. Now, when I say “nicer to Teller,” that kind of makes it seem like I was nice to Teller, and now I was even more nice. I’ve never been nice to Teller. We’re coworkers, at best polite and at worst rude to each other. I’m worse to Teller than he is to me, but now I was smiling at him more. I was happy to see him.
45%
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stupid diet consisting of a lot of protein, calorie counting,
56%
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I also lost on Dancing with the Stars, Rachael vs. Guy, Celebrity Chopped, The Celebrity Apprentice, and All-Star Celebrity Apprentice. I lost on all of those. But I won on (celebrity) Jeopardy!. Let’s think about this: I lost on every show that was subjective, where politics were involved, and I won on the one show that was purely objective. The one where sucking up and backstabbing don’t help. So fuck Donald Trump in the neck.
72%
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That’s not fucking a Barbie doll with a condom, that’s barebacking a downtown hooker (maybe of your same sex) in a bathroom stall at a bus station. It’s animal. It’s sniffing butts and rolling in fuck.
Daniel Vaca
Case in point.
75%
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It took me a while to get here. That’s the CrayRay genius. He does the cold-turkey potato thing to reset the taste buds, the smells, the habits, and the microbiome. None of this stuff would have tasted good a year ago. It didn’t change, I did. It’s still bland—I’m just more sensitive.
94%
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Nicholson Baker.
Daniel Vaca
Add to read list.
95%
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(even before my membership to that site—are you sure my credit card is okay?).
Daniel Vaca
These digressions get old after a while.