The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

who knows what the real human limits are? Every time we think someone reaches one, someone else surpasses what we thought was the apex.

How can something as immaterial, invisible, and mystical as an emotional connection with a buddy have what amounts to a material, measureable, and physical effect like fueling a body across space and physical boundaries? It’s very elusive.

Did you know that even if you feed babies but deprive them of meaningful relational connections, an attachment or bond, they will not grow as they should? Just from missing a relational connection?

research shows over and over again that people trying to reach goals succeed at a much greater rate if they are connected to a strong human support system.

people who tap into the power of the other have stronger immune systems, tend to get sick less frequently, and recover faster when they do.

Ask many people about their greatest accomplishments and challenges overcome, and you will find one thing in common: there was someone on the other end who made it possible.

Your best and worst seasons were also about who was in that season with you. Either for good or bad. It was not just about you. It was about the others who were playing a big part in whom you were becoming and how you were doing.

your own performance is either improved or diminished by the other people in your scenario. They hold power.

You don’t have a choice about whether or not others have power in your life. They do.

What actually brings about change in people, and the cure, is the relationship between the psychologist and the client,” he explained.

the science had shown that it was the relationship that was the curative factor.

Healthy relationship wires their brains for a host of functions—such as the ability to regulate their own emotions, solve problems, deal with stress, and be resilient.

The structure, activities, and quality of those relationships are crucial. If the relationships are positive, attuned, empathic, caring, supportive, and challenging, then they cause positive development in the brain and increase performance capacities.

Whatever we hope to achieve, our success depends on relationships with others.

we are always seeking connection,

without a strong and steady connection, nothing new or better can occur.

From the moment we are born, the moment we land, a “chip” inside each of us starts searching for a connection to the right network, one that will provide us with the energy and information (coding) to go beyond our present ability, experience, and performance. And this searching, this needing a connection, is not optional for any of us. It is hardwired and always on, even when we don’t know it and even when we don’t even desire it.