The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

The real issue is that people who habitually do this are not willing to look at themselves and try to resolve things. Instead, they prefer to get people to side with them and agree with them rather than create unity and resolution.

This is it. This is the scenario described where ppl don’t want to fix themselves. They are divisive because they take their complaints to a rescuer rather than the person about whom they are complaining. Or in some cases they take the complaint to no one and internalize a lot of bad feelings.