The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

business sides of life. Not surprisingly, he was personally devastated as well. Even before getting caught, he had been in hell, living two lives: a leader in his field and community, on the one hand, and a cheater and liar on the other. As he put it, “I’m glad it all came to light, even in such a painful way, because it was killing me.” (In fact, his grown daughter and her husband had caught him in a lie, were curious, followed his car, and found him with a woman.) Which brings us to the moment that is the point of this story. “I came here to see you,” he said, “so you could give me some input about my plan. I want to turn everything around, save my marriage, and really change. So, I have made some serious commitments and put some things in place that I think are going to help, and I want to get your thoughts on my plan.” He was hopeful; he said his wife was agreeable to working things out if he was really serious about changing his behavior. Otherwise, she was done. So far so good, I thought. I asked, “What’s the plan?” “Well, I’ve made a commitment to Susan to be a better husband and attend to her needs more,” he began. “I can see how I kind of check out when I’m not working . . . there is so much stress with what I do. Sometimes I ignore her emotional needs, and I am going to stop doing that.” Liam described the incredible stress he felt in performing high-risk surgeries, “It is so easy to kill these people,” he blurted out. “The amount of stress I live with is crazy, ...