The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

her way. “So what do you think?” he asked. “Want the truth?” I asked back. “Of course,” he said. “I think you’re headed for another heart attack, to use your language.” Startled, he asked, “What do you mean?” I said, “I think you’ve probably had this very same conversation with hundreds of your heart patients. They have a heart attack, and then don’t address the lifestyle issues that caused the heart disease, and you know it is going to happen again. You can see it coming.” “But I’m making a lot of changes,” he retorted. “A lot!” “I know . . . and that’s what scares me,” I answered. “The changes you’re making are all going to make the disease worse, not better. You’re adding more and more to the problem, not fixing it.” “How?” he asked. “Every strategy you’re using involves more output from you. More giving. More discipline. More obedience to what is right. More effort. More service and sacrifice. This whole thing depends on you, and it’s not going to work.” “But . . . why? Those are the things I need to do to make it different,” he said. I regained my patience and explained that although his list addressed the problems in the marriage, they wouldn’t fix the underlying problem that caused his sexual acting out in the first place. “You will do that again,” I warned him, “if this is your plan. I promise you.” “But why? I really am committed to not doing that anymore,” he said. I believed him. But there is a fundamental problem with this approach: the whole plan depended on h...