The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

Great Corner Four relationships push us upward at all times. They will not let us stay where we are, lest we plateau, get bored, disengage, or go looking for another relationship that keeps us awake (say, in Corner Three). As I described earlier, humans are connection-seeking systems, but arousal-seeking ones, as well. If we get bored and disengaged, we can’t help but search for something to reenergize us, even if the stimulant comes in the form of an illicit affair or other risk-taking behavior. It is due to lack of engagement that many relationships fail; if one partner isn’t bringing new energy and intelligence into the relationship, the other person may grow disinterested in investing more intimacy in the relationship. That can lead to all sorts of destructive behaviors.