The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

Those who have never internalized love often seek and function in relationships in immature, self-soothing ways. Then as soon as the relationship fails them in some way, they don’t have the internal relational equipment or internal capacity to work through that failure, and the relationship breaks down. At that point, when they’re struggling to make the relationship work, telling them to “just love yourself” is not merely unhelpful; it’s the wrong message entirely. Instead, they must find some others who will support and love them and teach them how to love others, mentoring them, just as good parenting would have done.