The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

Former British prime minister Tony Blair once told me that one of the most difficult aspects of leadership was “the face.” When I asked him what that meant, he said Bill Clinton had told him that each and every day, no matter what you are going through and how bad it is, the leader has to put on “the face”—the face of hope, strength, optimism. People are looking to the leader, he said, for all of those things, and you have to deliver confidence, no matter where you may be on the inside. The public face of leadership goes with the territory. And he’s right. People need to see hope and strong determination in the faces of their leaders. Fine . . . as long as you know it’s something you’re putting on for a moment because your people need it. It also has to be real. You have to truly believe in what you are saying and must in no way be lying. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have other feelings as well—feelings like fear, discouragement, or frustration that are tucked away behind the face in that moment. The question for the leader is this: Where can you go without the mask?