The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

peer-based collaboration. Said another way, ideas have no rank or position.

The best kinds of others balance a couple of factors in setting stretch targets: 1. They will push you to go farther than you’ve gone in the past, encouraging you to develop new skills in order to reach the goal. 2. However, they will not stretch you to a point that will overwhelm you or take you backward.

If we get bored and disengaged, we can’t help but search for something to reenergize us, even if the stimulant comes in the form of an illicit affair or other risk-taking behavior.

Great leaders and performers consistently take moments of celebration to mark small wins. They relish little victories because they see them as part of a long-term process.

The lessons we learn, the phrases that motivate us, are ours to keep forever. Psychologists refer to this process as internalization.

The word compete comes from the Late Latin verb competere, “to seek together.”

Triangulation sets up something called the victim-persecutor-rescuer (VPR) triad,

Divisiveness is one of the most destructive forces in teams, companies, families, marriages, friendships, and any other relational systems.

If someone is gossiping about someone instead of talking to that person directly to work it out, the gossiper is given a warning and is then fired if the warning is disregarded.

First, name the problem.

Second, establish a rule or a covenant with each other to help eliminate triangulation from your relationships.

You and all the other people in your relationship should agree that, if someone does begin to gossip to you about someone else, you will decline to join in.

Fourth, be a good receiver of feedback.

Fifth, build skills—in yourself and in your team. Many times we’re asking people to do something they’ve never been taught to do.

Finally, be wise.

As a leader, remember that you’re a steward of your culture.

in order to open up and receive, we must be vulnerable and willing to go into a place of need.