The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

them. I told them one of my favorite formulas: freedom = responsibility = love. Here is a summary of what I said: “Girls, you’re becoming teenagers. It is an exciting time. One of the reasons is that you will be getting more and more independent. That means that you get to do a lot more stuff on your own, and you’re going to want the freedom to do those things. So I want you to understand something. “My deepest desire is to give you as much freedom as you want. I have no plans to control you on some short leash. In fact, I want the opposite. I want you to be in control of yourself and have as much freedom as you can. So here is how it works. It’s a formula. The amount of freedom that you will have will be equal to the amount of responsibility that you take when you have it, and that responsibility should be measured by love. The choices you make, that you will be responsible for, are to be loving. They must be good for others and for yourself. Your choices should not hurt anyone in any way—you or anyone else. That is your guide to responsibility. If you are responsible in that way, guided by love, you will get more and more freedom. As much as you want, as long as you follow the formula: freedom = responsibility = love. “If you are not responsible with the freedom that I give you, if you do things that are not good for yourself or others, things that are not loving, then your freedom will be limited to that same degree. It is totally up to you how much freedom you will get...