The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

Research into brain circuitry shows that new capacities grow when we have to grapple with a problem ourselves instead of hearing someone tell us how to fix it or watching someone fix it for us. We remember about 10 to 20 percent of what we read or hear or see, but 80 percent of what we experience in such a learning process. When someone provides feedback that leaves us in shape to grapple with the problem ourselves, we learn. Research has also shown that we are able to retain more focus, have better concentration, think more clearly, and process information better when we aren’t experiencing negative emotions. They just get in the way. The higher-performing parts of the brain get sidelined when we’re experiencing negative emotions, and the lower, more reactive parts kick in.