The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud

Corner Four demands all three: caring, honesty, and results—caring enough about someone to not be hurtful in how we say things, the honesty to say them directly, and a focus on behavior change and better results. Remember these three accountability aspects: the individuals, the relationship, and the outcomes. Business, marriage, friendships, teams, culture, health, and life likewise demand all three. We must be open and trained to receive the feedback, listen to it, and take it in so as to develop self-control that leads to great performance. You will never get to the next level if you can’t embrace feedback about your performance at the current level. Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith puts it aptly in the title of one of his books: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. Getting to the next level happens only when you are open to feedback and know how to use it. Moreover, it happens only when you’re actually getting feedback, when someone is telling you the truth. We can’t change what we do not know we need to change. Corner One is getting no feedback at all. Corner Two is getting it without caring and probably without accuracy, as the other person always has a standard that is somehow unhelpful or unreachable. In Corner Three, anything but feel-good backslapping or flattery is off-limits. Only Corner Four provides both caring and reality in the form of usable, actionable information. When we get that, it helps build self-control and the realization that we can do better....