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I’d rather give more to and get more back from one or two people. I suppose that makes me antisocial but I have lots of people who I can talk to, that I enjoy talking to, but in a very partitioned way.
In truth I suppose it’s not really about winning at all, it’s about not giving up. Because that’s when you lose.’
I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to go home, I didn’t want to be anywhere. I didn’t want to be me.
family or friends if you bloody had any left. Everyone says that suicide is selfish. How fucking stupid.
And it struck me as a bit sad, that I should have come to know this place. I felt a bit sorry for myself for having learned to recognise this degree of … hopelessness, whatever.
That total and utter devotion, that unconditional, complete and infallible love, that obsessive and indestructible commitment to something which cannot ever, ever fail you, lie to you, let you down, use or abuse you, that will never have an agenda other than pure love, immaculate, perfect love, is the thing that is there waiting to destroy you. Because it becomes all of you and when it’s gone there is absolutely nothing left and you’ll slide back into that place. Where … nothing … sparkles …’
