How to be an Alien in England: A Guide to the English

by Angela Kiss

‘I think …’ (long pause) ‘… you are my cup of tea.’

It is a well-known fact that English people never know anything. They only think.

According to them, everyone wants to be English. Being English is the best thing in the world. (Far behind, the second best thing is being God himself.)

for The English the main point of the lunchtime is not the food itself. Aliens like to go out at lunchtime to relax in parks, or walk, or go to massage or yoga or to the gym – for English people, the most efficient source of relaxation is stand in a queue and wait for a triangle sandwich, stand in a queue and wait for a salt and vinegar crisps and stand in a queue and wait for a tea.