The Problem with Forever

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Eyes that were brown with tiny flecks of gold met mine. Eyes I’d never forgotten. The easy, almost lazy smile I’d never seen on his face before froze. His lips parted and a paleness seeped under his tawny skin. Those eyes widened, the gold flecks seeming to expand. He recognized me; I had changed a lot since then, but still, recognition dawned in his features. He was moving again, leaning forward on his seat toward me. Four words roared out of the past and echoed in my head. Don’t make a sound. “Mouse?” he breathed. Chapter 3 Mouse.

The bitterness of being overlooked and stepped on for so long in an overburdened and broken-down system still clung to me like a second skin that I wondered if I’d ever shed.

“I would’ve stopped him, but I didn’t.” His eyes were darker. “I shouldn’t have tried—” “It wasn’t your fault,” I whispered, sickened by what he was saying. I stared up at him. He seriously believed what had happened was because of him? His head tilted to the side. “Yeah, I made you a promise. I didn’t keep that promise, not when it counted.” “No,” I stated, and when he started to reply, I pulled my arm free. Surprise scuttled across his face. “That...wasn’t a promise you should’ve ever had to make. Not to anyone.”

“You know, hearing you say my name isn’t something I ever expected to hear again. I don’t give a shit about missing one class if that means we get to catch up a little.”

“You...you won’t get in trouble?” Glancing over his shoulder, he shrugged. “Worth it.”

His lashes lowered and the lopsided grin appeared. “I always knew you’d be beautiful one day.”

“I just never thought I’d get to see how beautiful you’d become.”

“You’re beautiful, too. I mean, you’re hot,” I blurted out. “But I always knew you would be.” My eyes widened as I realized what just streamed out of my mouth, and his grin turned into a smile. “Oh my God, I did not just say...any of that out loud.” “You did.”

People can say crap. They can think whatever they want, but you control how you feel about it.”

Watching Rider give his speech on Friday was like tuning in to my favorite TV show.

I don't know why like this line so much

I had no idea what to expect, but I knew I was going to enjoy the view.

Rider was just a friend. That was his place in my life.

Please do something before I do

“I don’t have a girlfriend, sir.”

Ahhhhhhh

I couldn’t even allow my head to go there, because it didn’t know what to do with all of that.

Really.

And maybe there was a part of me in the beginning that thought that...that it ran deeper, you know? The thing is, it doesn’t run deep.” His shoulders rose with a deep breath. “I think I’ve known that for a while. And I think I convinced myself that it was the same for Paige. I don’t regret the relationship, but I regret that I waited to end it. I hurt her because of that and, man, that sucked.

“As long as it’s what you’re passionate about, go for it.”

“You don’t see what I see.”

“I know you care about me, Mallory.”

Ahhhhhbb

Angling toward me, his grin was sheepish. Boyish. “That was probably really corny, wasn’t it?”

CUTE

“Yeah, I do.

Finally!!!!!!

“At first, I thought that was why—this attraction I have to you. I thought it was because of everything we’d shared. And then the night I came to your place and you fixed me up, I thought it was just this physical thing.” Pink raced across his cheeks. “And it is most definitely a physical thing, but it wasn’t just that. I think part of me knew that from the very first time you said my name.”

“I know you deserve better, but I want to be better. I want to be that for you.”

YES

“I’m not perfect, Mouse. None of us are, but damn, I hate hearing you say this stuff, because I...” His sigh came through the phone, sounding bone-weary. “I don’t know how to make that better.”

Rider had said nothing lasted forever, but some things, some scars, ran too deep to ever fade away.

My life had been hard, but the past... It was a part of me, but it wasn’t me. I had a future, possibly a beautiful one where I wouldn’t be a...a victim, and yet, when I got lost in my head or let what Mr. Henry did shape my decisions, I wasn’t embracing that future. I wasn’t acknowledging everything I had. That...that had to change. And I thought, by realizing just that, becoming aware, I was changing.

“It’s okay.” Rider dropped my hand as we neared my car, and I knew that it really wasn’t okay. “I understand.” I frowned. “Understand what?” He lifted a shoulder as he snatched the keys out of my hand. “Everything.”

“I’m checking in, though.” His head tilted slightly, and I shivered. “I’m going to do that a lot, and when you want to leave, you just tell me. Okay?” “Okay.”

“Mallory, please don’t apologize.” Rider sat up, pulling me along with him. “We can do whatever you want, go as far as you want and we will always stop when you want, no matter what. You feel me? There’s nothing to apologize for and that’s the way it should always be.”

Forever was something we all took for granted, but the problem with forever was that it really didn’t exist.

“Don’t you get it?” “No. Obviously I don’t.” Rider stared at me for a moment. “You deserve better than me.”

Being embarrassed was not forever. None of this was forever. But trying was. Living was.

“I want to be the guy worthy of your love, and I swear, if you’ll have me, I’ll do everything in my power to be that man. I’ll never stop trying. Ever.”

The past never went away and it was not designed to do so. It would always be there, and it should be acknowledged.

My past was a part of me and it molded who I was today, but it was not the sum of who I was to become. It did not control me.

Forever wasn’t pain and grief. Forever wasn’t a problem. Forever was my heartbeat and it was the hope tomorrow held. Forever was the glistening silver lining of every dark cloud, no matter how heavy and thick it was. Forever was knowing moments of weakness didn’t equate to an eternity of them. Forever was knowing that I was strong. Forever was Carl and Rosa, Ainsley and Keira, Hector and Rider. Jayden would always be a part of my forever. Forever was the fire-breathing dragon inside me that had shed the fear like a snake shedding skin. Forever was simply a promise of more.

Forever was a work in progress.

And I couldn’t wait fo...