Healing the Shame That Binds You

by John Bradshaw

To live in the dungeon of toxic shame is to live in the past or the anxious, catastrophic future. It is to be so defended and guarded that we cannot see what is going on around us. We look but we don’t see. In so many ways, toxic shame is a living hell, a kind of living death.

Serenity is characterized by what Robert Frost called “riding easy in harness.” With serenity, your life will become less problematic and more spontaneous. You will act without analyzing everything and without ruminating. You will quit trying to figure it out. You will stop overreacting; your hypervigilance will diminish greatly. You will enjoy each and every moment as it comes along. You’ll quit believing in scarcity and give up your impulsiveness and need for instant gratification. You’ll accept the richness of life moment by moment. You’ll see what you see, hear what you hear, know what you want and need, and know that you can get your needs and wants met. Serenity changes life into a childlike vision where “meadow, stream and every common sight” take on a newness. Those who are serene love the earth and all things. Life is its own splendid justification.

A sense of humor is based upon the juxtaposition of the incongruous.