“SHOULD” THINKING Karen Homey wrote about the “tyranny of shoulds.” Should thinking is a direct result of perfectionism. In this thought distortion you operate from a list of inflexible rules about how you and other people should act. The rules are right and indisputable. One client told me that her husband should want to take her on Sunday drives. “Any man who loves his wife ought to take her for a drive out in the country and then to a nice eating place.” The fact that her husband didn’t want to do this meant that he was selfish and “only thought about himself.” The most common cue words for
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