Healing the Shame That Binds You

by John Bradshaw

and having and taking care of pets. No one of these activities is an addiction if it has no life-damaging consequences. But all of these activities can be full-fledged and life-damaging addictions. Each is a way to get so involved in an activity that one is mood-altered by doing the activity. Work addiction is a serious addiction. The work addict, who spends thousands of hours at work, can avoid painful feelings of loneliness and depression. I know of an experimental retreat that was conducted with ten CEOs of large companies. These people were asked to avoid anything during a four-day weekend that would take them out of their feelings. They were not to read, drink, smoke, watch TV, talk about business, use the telephone, exercise, etc. By the third afternoon, this troop of dynamic, high-rolling superachievers was depressed. They were in touch with their emptiness and loneliness. In many cases their children were in serious trouble with drugs or the law. Their children were often carrying their loneliness and pain. The same dynamic is true for the other activity addictions. They are all ways to cover up the loneliness and pain nestled in the underbelly of toxic shame. The toxic shame is the villain, the black hole sucking up their life, driving them to more and more accomplishments.