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May 4 - May 17, 2020
When you give up trying to change her into someone more like you, you can attune to who she really is. That’s when the real magic happens.
Men hope that these moments of spontaneous appreciation of her body will sink in. They hope that these words and the responses to her that are beyond words will filter through all the layers of self-doubt that society has imposed on her. They hope that the way they touch her and appreciate her every curve will sink in. They hope to reverse all the unfair and nasty comments others have made about her body, as well as those she has made about herself when she looked in the mirror on a bad day. This is no small task.
Beauty for women is a survival strategy, and there is constant pressure to be beautiful and to compare what she sees in the mirror to what society tells her is beautiful.
When women take forever to get out the door, it’s not vanity—it’s because she is constantly reminded that people will treat her differently based on how she looks.
A woman’s goal in conflict is to be better understood by her partner.
causes of women’s anger could be rooted in one or more of three categories: powerlessness, injustice, and the irresponsibility of other people.
In the heat of a conflict, men are more likely than women to go into the fight-or-flight arousal state, while women are better at self-soothing and wanting to talk things out. That means that women can swim in the same sea of conflict in which most men will drown.
Do keep in mind, however, that when women have been traumatized in the past, either physically, sexually, or emotionally, they too will flood. But their flooding looks different. They may listlessly stare into your eyes, but their eyes are glazed over; they make it look like nobody is home. They are physically present but emotionally absent—this is their way of withdrawing to find safety.
The way you respond to your partner in times when there’s no conflict and the quality of the friendship between you are what will make a woman less critical and more likely to give you the benefit of the doubt when issues do arise.
when you understand the evolutionary drive connected to shopping, you can save yourself a lot of headache and avoid some of that conflict we mentioned in the last chapter. Don’t criticize her for shopping. Don’t judge her. And most importantly, if you hate to shop, don’t go with her.
Interestingly, what determined whether men would die younger was whether or not they were married, whereas for women it was their friendships with other women that determined their longevity.
both men and women get health benefits from a marriage, but women only get the health benefits if they are happily married.
If she makes you feel wonderful, if you feel desired, attractive, funny, and all-around wonderful, then she is one of your potential ones. And the same goes for how you make her feel about herself. Remember this. And when you are with her, if you feel like you are home—then she is the one for you. When a woman is the right woman for you, you feel comfortable and relaxed, like you are in a warm bed that was built just for you.
when a woman is the right woman, you will feel like your best self
If you don’t honor your partner’s dreams and do everything in your power to help her fulfill them, you will find yourself in a relationship with a woman who is depressed, defeated, and beaten down.
There is nothing worse for a woman than being in a relationship and feeling lonely.
