The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want

by John M. Gottman

THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. Does she present herself as a victim? Does she endlessly talk about the negative relationships in her life? Friends who have betrayed her? Past boyfriends who have cheated on her or let her down in some way? Does she tend to divide people into two categories, the Good and the Bad? Be careful. You may at first be the One True Good Guy, or the Rescuer, but eventually you will probably join the list of Bad Guys. Does she dwell on her physical ailments, personal traumas, or family woes? Now, in the course of dating and getting to know each other, you will share your personal histories, and most personal histories do include some painful things. But the question is, does she derive her identity from her trauma? Does she seem to relish the role of being a victim, or does she talk about what she’s learned from past mistakes, heartaches, or traumas? There’s a big difference between the two. If she feels that everyone in her life has let her down, then you could be the next name on that list.