The Man's Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the Love Lab About What Women Really Want

by John M. Gottman

They were very serious about the game, but there was also a lot of laughter. But once in a while a boy got overly emotional. Most of the time the kids just ignored this disruption and kept playing the game, hoping it would work itself out. But sometimes the boys would deal directly with the emotion. For example, one day a kid named Brian started to cry, loudly. Another kid, Gabe, who was sort of the self-appointed captain of this semiorganized chaos, stopped everyone by shouting, “Hey everyone! Stop!” and went over to Brian. “What’s the matter?” he asked. Brian, through his tears, said, “I never get the ball.” Gabe then shouted to the other kids, “Let’s go! Only this time Brian gets the ball. Here’s the ball. Okay, you’re it, Brian. Let’s go!” And they were off. Problem solved. Emotions dealt with. The goal of the boys was to keep the ball in play no matter what the cost. Emotions just got in the way of the game. Crying was like an unwelcome leech that had landed on someone and was messing up the fun. The goal was to get rid of the leech and continue the play. This seems to be true of males whether they are 8 or 48. The goal for men is generally dispensing with the emotion so that the play and fun (relationship) can continue.