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January 26 - January 30, 2021
In our Love Lab, we found that women have two major complaints about men. The first complaint is: “He is never there for me.” The second complaint is: “There isn’t enough intimacy and connection.”
Attention equals affection. Attention ultimately is how you express love.
And the less you take her moods personally, the better off you will be.
As comedian Billy Crystal once said, “Women need a reason for sex. Men just need a place.”
A woman’s sense of smell is stronger than a man’s (estrogen is the culprit), and that’s why women can detect odors far more acutely than men do.
Sometimes your choice of a mate will end up being someone who has the character traits of your primary caregiver. For better or worse, your brain is trying to re-create those very first imprints.
Watch how your romantic partner treats her pets, friends, and family, and you’ll get a good idea about how she will treat you in a relationship.
Try to notice if she is kind or if she complains about her friends and family all of the time. If something negative happens, does she blame others? Does she take any responsibility for miscommunications with friends and family? Is she honest in her other relationships, or does she lie and make excuses? Is she loyal?
Is she conscientious (she keeps promises and does what she commits to)? Is she agreeable, or does she provoke others and stoke conflict and disagreement?
THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. Does she present herself as a victim? Does she endlessly talk about the negative relationships in her life? Friends who have betrayed her? Past boyfriends who have cheated on her or let her down in some way?
THE PRINCESS. Does she present herself as if she’s above everyone else? Does she treat others badly—waiters, service workers, strangers—and act as if they are beneath her in class, status, or value?
THE COMPETER. Does she lead with her success? Are the first words out of her mouth always about her conquests or achievements, and does she rarely show interest in you? Does she try to one-up you or other people around her?
THE DRAMA QUEEN. Do drama and chaos seem to follow her around? Is life a series of her problems, one after another, and she looks to you to fix them all? Is every day a new crisis?
If there’s no physical connection or chemistry at first, there never will be.
Women need to feel emotionally connected to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel emotionally connected.
Flooding has three major components: (1) the shock of attack and the need to defend, (2) emotional shutdown, and (3) the inability to self-soothe.
You have to say something to the effect of, “You know what, I’m having a hard time listening to you right now, and I will come back in 30 minutes so we can continue to talk.”
In our research into domestic violence, we found that couples who experience such violence have no “withdrawal method” or “exit strategy” for conflict. One person blocks the other’s exit.
We found in our research that the couples we worked with who never “fell in love” always wondered if they had made the right choice and always felt like something was missing in their relationship.
Our research has shown that compatibility of similar interests are mostly irrelevant.
