The Gardener and the Carpenter: What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children

by Alison Gopnik

I’ve argued for a different picture of the relations between parents and children than the typical parenting picture. Caring for children is an absolutely fundamental, profoundly valuable part of the human project. But it isn’t carpentry, it isn’t a goal-directed enterprise aimed at shaping a child into a particular kind of adult. Instead, being a parent is like making a garden. It’s about providing a rich, stable, safe environment that allows many different kinds of flowers to bloom. It’s about producing a robust, flexible ecosystem that lets children themselves create many varied, unpredictable kinds of adult futures.