How to Have a Good Day: Harness the Power of Behavioral Science to Transform Your Working Life

by Caroline Webb

RESOLVING TENSIONS If there’s someone who’s causing you stress at the moment, try one or more of these techniques: Find common ground. If you disagree on something, use the following process: articulate the other person’s perspective as if you truly believe it; identify what you both agree on; isolate the real disagreement; explore how you could both be right; and decide what you can do based on what you agree on. Spread positive contagion. Your own mood can be infectious. Decide what emotion you want to project into the conversation, and visualize something that can quickly put you in that state of mind. Assume “good person, bad circumstances.” Get clear on the “true facts”: what you know for sure. Then assume that the other person has good intent, and imagine the circumstances that could be causing his or her behavior. (Refer to the list of classic defensive mode triggers for inspiration.) Notice-acknowledge-offer. If you can have a direct conversation, use the “notice-acknowledge-offer” approach to check that you understand the issue and to move things forward. Invite the person to talk (“I noticed that…”), show empathy (“I’m sorry, that must be challenging…”), and offer support (“Is there anything I can do?”). Manage your own baggage. Identify your hot-button patterns—triggers that you particularly respond to—and your early warning signs. Decide on a quick “step back and reset” routine, including a question to fully engage your deliberate system (e.g., “What really mat...