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September 27, 2017
Understanding that we each see the world in our own incomplete way can also explain a lot of workplace disagreements.
the subjectivity of reality also means that however bad a situation seems, there’s always a different way of seeing things.
The way we interpret what we’ve experienced is much more up for grabs than we generally realize.
how taking a few minutes to deliberately set our intentions is a splendid way to prepare for a good day.
goal
two specific behavioral goals to support it. One was to make sure that I said something to appreciate each person’s contributions at some point during the meeting. The other was to point out whenever someone’s ideas nicely connected to something another person had previously said.
meeting goals
don’t just set yourself task completion goals. Set at least one or two goals for your own behavior, and make them as specific as you possibly can, to magnify your chances of having the day you intended.
goal setting
doing more of something good, or they’re about doing less of something
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first type (known as “approach” goals) are better than the second (“avoidance” goals) at encouraging high performance—even if they’re pursuing the same broad outcome. In
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Here are some practical ways to reframe your goals to keep you in discovery rather than defensive mode: Ask yourself: “What positive outcome am I seeking? And what do I need to start doing, or do more of, to get that ideal outcome?” If any of your goals are about avoiding something, turn them around and ask what good thing you’d need to do more of to achieve the same outcome. (For example, instead of saying “Find a way to stop losing customers,” try “Find a way to make our customer proposition irresistible.”)
scientists have found that we’re more likely to achieve a challenging goal if we’ve decided for ourselves why it’s worth succeeding.
intrinsic motivation—where
But the science tells us that we’re more likely to get something done if we take a moment to think about why it matters to us personally.
even then, it’s usually not too hard to find a way to link an assigned task to things that matter to
We can still ask: “What bigger aspiration or value of mine does this task speak to?” “How does this request support something that matters to me?”
“When the other person frowns or raises issues, then I’ll stop to listen properly and then ask questions to find out more.”
contains a clear “when-then” rule, which says, “when X happens, then I will do Y.” This kind of rule—known to scientists as an implementation intention—takes much less effort for our brains to handle than an abstract concept like “being collaborative,” since it leaves no doubt about what to do when the time comes.
setting implementation intentions makes people as much as three times more likely to achieve their aspirations.
CREATE A BRAIN-FRIENDLY TO-DO LIST
unaccountably make you feel like buying cherries. A thought like this can pop into your consciousness seemingly out of nowhere, if you encounter a cue that your brain somehow associates with that specific thought—a
spreading activation effect.
The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. —STEPHEN COVEY
email ‘batcher’ rather than a ‘grazer,’ because of the scientific evidence on multitasking. I explained I was checking emails in four or five batches each day, which would still allow a fast turnaround time.” She says he nodded, almost persuaded, but then asked, “What if I need to reach you really urgently? Checking your email four times a day still means I could be waiting three hours to get hold of you.” Min thought for a moment. “How about I make sure my assistant can reach me if you really need me?” He agreed.
Researchers are finding that when we allow our brains to take a break from a task, they appear to do important work in encoding and consolidating the information that we’ve just absorbed—and this reflection time results in enhanced learning and insight.
Never let more than ninety minutes pass without doing something to refresh your mind and body—if possible, by stretching your legs and getting a brief change of scene.
Why do I suggest ninety minutes?
Ericsson found that the highest performers typically work in focused blocks of ninety minutes, with breaks in between.
What important decisions do you need to make today (whether they’re analytical or creative choices)? How can you make those decisions when you’re mentally fresh, rather than drained?
after completing big tasks, learning something new, or finishing up a meeting: Amplify the value of the experience by taking a moment to step back and reflect on your insights. What struck you most? (What will you do differently as a result?)
Every evening, Robyn also uses a quick reflection practice that she invented, which she calls “DATE,” an acronym that reminds her to think back on her day and recall what she’s discovered (“which could be an interesting fact or lesson learned, or perhaps something I’ll do differently tomorrow”), something she achieved, one thing she’s thankful for, and something she wants to remember that she experienced, whether in her work or beyond. As Robyn says, “I’ve found this reflection time helps me make each day, good or bad, as valuable and significant as possible.”
planning fallacy.1 This describes the fact that we typically expect tasks to take less time than they actually do, because we base our estimates on one standout memory—our best past experience—rather than the average time it’s taken us to do similar tasks in the past.
when you’re estimating the amount of time a task is going to take, balance your brain’s natural optimism by imagining a scenario where things don’t go entirely your way.
THE “POSITIVE NO”
Start with warmth. First, acknowledge and show appreciation for the person’s request. Your “yes.” Then, instead of starting with “I’m sorry…,” begin by enthusiastically highlighting whatever your positive priority is right now, and why it’s interesting, important, or meaningful to you. Consider picking out a reason that will also resonate with the person you’re talking to. Your “no.” Explain that this means, with regret, that you can’t do the thing they’ve asked you to do. End with warmth. Perhaps there’s a suggestion or offer you can make without detracting from your real priorities, such as
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short-term/long-term trade-off is at the root of our tendency to procrastinate.
present bias.
we can paint ourselves a vivid mental picture of the future benefits of getting it done, we’ll be more motivated to get started.
omission bias,
this phenomenon is another source of procrastination, since it often makes the choice to do nothing look more attractive than it actually is.
Aim: First, decide what collaborative outcome you’d really like from the conversation. Make sure it’s one that is good for both of you, and that speaks to what matters most for your relationship. Assumptions: Second, check your negative expectations regarding the other person, because they’ll shape what you notice. Instead, decide to look for something positive or interesting about that individual.
But we tend to assume that others share our preferences and perspectives, and that everyone understands and values things just as we do. This projection bias,
the researchers confirmed that talking about their own likes and dislikes activated the
volunteers’ neural reward systems,
So if we show some real curiosity about other people, they’re going to find it rewarding to talk to us.
“What do you do outside work? How did you develop an interest in that?”
“Tell me more about that,”
Don’t be too attached to a personal agenda (trust that you’ll eventually find an opportunity to share your thoughts). Decide to find the other person interesting in some way. Ask truly open questions, rather than making suggestions masquerading as questions. Properly listen to the answer. Notice what seems most striking, and ask more about that.
Here are some suggestions for rapidly creating an in-group feeling with someone you’re talking to: Find a shared interest. Look out for anything that signals interests or preferences that resonate with your own, however small they are. Music, gadgets, clothing, and hobbies are all fair game. Be willing to comment or ask about it, and to share your own experience. Highlight a common goal. This creates a deeper connection, because it usually signals shared values. To elicit shared goals, ask, “What matters most to you in this?” and “What do we both hope to achieve?” Talk about a common
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Echo the other person’s words. Not only does this help people feel you’re on the same wavelength, but playing back someone’s turn of phrase shows you’ve really been listening. The effect can be striking, even when you’re merely echoing statements of fact; one study found that waiters get higher tips when they repeat an order back to customers.
